The DarkNess Within Him | ✔

Chapter Thirty

Alpha Brian left early yesterday morning. It was a quick goodbye between him and his son and an even quicker goodbye between him and myself. I couldn’t understand the relief that washed over me when he left but I knew I felt it. Like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown on me, I felt it. Maybe it’s because of the deadline he gave me. Decision-making makes me nervous.

Kian seemed relieved as well but I noticed how he avoided me throughout yesterday. Other than the casual greeting of the day, he made it a point to avoid me by either pretending to be in deep conversation with his butler, Lance or entertaining his new found friend - my father - with stories about his pack.

My father’s thoughts on Alpha Brian’s proposal was simple. The pack comes first and or else I am sure that there would be dire consequences to agreeing then I should accept. He said since my true mate wasn’t a factor in my life anymore then I should stop being stuck in the past and move on. Apparently, my father is convinced that Kian seems charming and decent enough to make me happy. I’ll give him decent considering his scent is as pure as a lotus flower and completely untainted by any feminine scent. Very different from everyone I smell since I got this ability. A breath of fresh air in a way.

Just like Matthew. Except, not so much because Matthew doesn’t even have a scent. And considering the way he kisses me, I’m sure that if he did have one, it would wreak so much of femininity and all things female that he would be likened to sexual rot by my smell-buds. Not that I’m judging.

Yet, something is holding me back from truly giving Kian a shot. In fact, something is preventing me from even talking to the man that is supposed to be courting me. The man I’m supposed to find out if I’m compatible with. My mind rejects the idea, rejects the thoughts of marrying him or being marked by him despite the fact that it considers the gain of such an alliance deeply. That’s why Kian’s obvious avoidance of me is reassuring in a way that I can’t understand.

The guilt starting to form in the pit of my stomach about the day I spent with Matthew instead of the man that I’m supposed to be considering marrying doesn’t help either. I saw Kian looking at us when we shifted and went running in the woods together and I couldn’t help the guilt stating to pool in my stomach. I don’t understand why I should even feel guilty. I’m doing nothing wrong.

I am not with Kian so whatever I do with Matthew shouldn’t make me feel guilt. Even if I sleep with Matthew, I shouldn’t feel like I’m wronging Kian. But I do and I don’t understand why when I don’t even know the guy.

I step out of my office, leaving Vina to deal with the rest of my paperwork, determined to find Kian. Maybe talking to him and getting clarity on his views will help me better in relation to my thoughts on this situation and him.

He’s seated in the living room when I find him. His posture is so rigid and perfect that I find myself jealous when I become conscious of the fact that it hurts to stand so straight. I force myself not to slouch nonetheless. He’s looking outside when I walk over, his eyes focused on the window very intently. It’s like he’s in very deep thought. So much so that he doesn’t even realise I’m standing right next to him until I speak.

“I was under the impression that you were supposed to be trying to get me to like you.” He bolts up from the couch instantly, almost bumping into me as he does “Or am I wrong?”

Kian looks at me with startled brown eyes, perfectly gelled auburn hair now slightly ruffled from the force of his jump and he brushes down creases on his black waistcoat in a nervous manner.

“No.” He finally speaks, his voice as calm as a frosty winter morning “In theory, you’re not wrong.”

“Are you avoiding me, Kian?” I ask bluntly, not having the patience to beat around the bush.