The DarkNess Within Him | ✔

Chapter Forty Nine

Warning: if you haven't read the first book, there are spoilers for that in this chapter...

Time stops when you lose someone you love. Time stops when everything falls apart. It stops when everything is ripped away from you and all that's truly alive within you are the bleeding memories. But most significantly, time stops the day your eyes finally open.

"I'm sorry Mikayla, there's nothing I could do to save your son," Doctor Beatrice tells me while I clutch on to the bloody sheets remembering how only a few moments ago, the body of my stillborn son was dragged out of my arms.

I'm unable to cry.

"The trauma from your fall was too grave," Beatrice continues. Her eyes completely refuse to meet mine as her cheeks are flushed in her own self-blame. "The child wasn't strong enough and it was too early for you to birth. It died while still inside you."

My legs tremble, the bleeding stopped only some moments ago but yet I feel numb. I don't feel any single pain in my body. Everything hurts yet nothing at all.

"I'm very sorry. There's nothing I could do. The moment you fell, the child was gone. It was out of my power. I hope it rests in peace," she repeats, a crack in the last part of her voice.

"Cayo. His name was Cayo. Not it." I say firmly. No crack in my voice. No emotion. Just directness and a need to correct.

The moment I found out that I was having a child, I was happy. I rejoiced happily. I laughed. I smiled. I had a reason to be happy. So I was going to name my son Cayo. It means 'to be happy' because that's all I felt while he was with me; true happiness.

Now, he's gone.

"I'm sorry," she repeats again, as if her words will bring me any comfort. I saw my child. I saw my son. After I was forced into labour from the fall, I saw him. A labour that Mer had started and Beatrice ended. It was too early. And the minute my child wouldn't cry, I knew everything was wrong. When Mer burst out into tears, I confirmed it.

She brought my child to me. He was covered in blood with eyes completely shut and so very tiny. He didn't move. He just stayed still while I held him. Even if he showed no signs of life, I held him.

A stillbirth.

"And Mikayla, there is something you should know," Beatrice starts up, looking at me now through heavily hooded eyelids. I just stay quiet, only able to focus on how my dead son was dragged out of my arms less than an hour before. They said I needed to let him go.

My fingers start to tremble.

"Due to the nature of all that has happened to you and given how complicated this pregnancy was from the beginning, I'm sorry to say that you'll never be able to have children." She takes in a sharp breath. I meet her gaze with burning ones. "Your womb is damaged. I'm sorry."

I shut my eyes, taking that in.

Beatrice apologises a few more times before leaving. When she's gone, I try to cry but nothing comes out. The only thing I can feel is unending shivers and trembles as if my body is trying to contain too many things. My breathing is harsh and my bones are pained.

When Mer comes in - her eyes red and puffy - she tries to console me. All in vain. Nothing she or anyone says will bring my son back. My Cayo. He's gone.

And it's all Matthew's fault.

I lay against Mer as my body tries to heal. She says alot to me and sometimes, nothing at all. But she's next to me, never leaving my side. Until she has to.