The DarkNess Within Him | ✔

Chapter Sixty Two

"At least try to smile," Mer voice rung out beside me and I turned towards her, lifting the sparkling tonic to my lips.

My yard is littered with people, all happy that Jane has finally come out of shock and I'm still at the place I was at a week ago, not happy that we are throwing this party. We shouldn't be partying. Not yet at least.

"I just, I don't know how to say it," I took a large sip of the tonic before looking at Mer again. "I feel really edgy and I have no idea why,"

"You're just upset that Rochelle succeeded in throwing this party," she told me, giggling in a teasing fashion . We made up a few days back. She apologised for lashing out and I apologised for well, not understanding where her anger came from. Except, I understand exactly where it comes from, I'm just still in deep thought about it.

For the past week, all I could focus on was an Alpha position that was once mine. An Alpha position I never truly explored to the best of my abilities. An Alpha position that scared me the whole time it was mine. At the time, I don't think I was mentally or emotionally stable enough to handle all the pressure that came with being Alpha. As for right now, I don't even know what to think, to begin with.

"Does Logan know?" Mer asked me and I nodded, my eyes finding Matthew who just came outside. Rochelle wasn't by his side for once. She usually always is.

"I called him. He said he'll think about being here," I explained, referring to the phone call with my brother just five days back. He seemed happy to know that finally, his mother, Jane was out of her vegetative state.

"Do you think that means he'll come?" Mer asked and I shrugged.

"I think he'll come. Whether or not he'll let anyone see him, well, I don't know Logan well enough to predict that. He likes games and making people feel powerless and confused but I can't deny the fact that he's been avoiding Matthew and well, Matthew is right here, in the middle of this party," I looked at Matthew, who was staring at me from across the yard. He was in a suit but without his tie. His eyes took me in and for the first time in a long time, he didn't look away, I did.

Since Jane woke up, she's been recovering slowly, unable to get out of bed but for some reason, when my father was told about this absurd party plan, he liked it. He said it was a good excuse for the pack to have some fun and for me to re-immerse myself into this pack that I've been away from for so long. I still don't know how to break it to him that I came here for Jane and planned to leave after she recovered since she was in a critical state and right now, she's recovering meaning my days here are numbered.

Still, this party left me confused. The party was about Jane but why was everyone making it all about me? Even Jane wasn't here at the moment but I was and the stares I got from all the pack members that arrived here had me feeling nothing less than uncomfortable. They weren't bad or mean stares, they were just stares that made it obvious that I was the centre of attention. They were excited stares?

When Matthew arrived in front of me, I was still drinking my tonic. Living with him has been awkward, to say the least. Our mate bond makes us crave each other and ideally, we should be all over each other but our bad history just runs too deep for that. Even if I tried, the fact that I was pushed down the stairs out of revenge by this man who crippled me emotionally and ended up leaving me unable to conceive is just too significant a thing for me to ignore. Even when we speak, it's always somewhat robotic. Polite but unnatural. Sometimes, there are underlying emotions in our words and eyes but never do either of us actually express it. If I could take away one thing, it would definitely be my 'feelings' for this man. Unfortunately, I can't.

"Where is Jane? And your father?" Matthew asked me, at the same time Mer scurried away, pretending she has something else to do. People tend to do that a lot - leave Matthew and me alone to talk like as if a couple of exchanged words is going to make me fall right into his arms again. I can't decide if they are delusional or just hopeless romantics.