The DarkNess Within Him | ✔

Chapter Forty Six

Soooo, yes, I know that this comes as a small surprise and most of you want to kill me for not updating in about four months. But anyway, I'm back and so is this book. So I'll do a little recap.

i. Mikayla became Alpha of her pack and hired Matthew. She fell in love with him.

ii. She got a marriage proposal from Kian, Alpha Brian's son which she accepted but he refused to mark her so she got together with Matthew.

iii. Matthew marked her after Jayce attacked her. They got mate bond married. He had to leave because his mother was dying.

iv. Mikayla went into heat while he was gone and called Mahsa, the moon priestess to expel it. She did leaving Mikayla completely impaled and in pain where she couldn't walk for a week and told her to be careful with her womb. Not to get pregnant before her next heat to avoid complications.

v. Vicky attacked her and she killed her. Ask in the comments if you forgot who Vicky was, please. Then Carter in his hurt state also attacked her verbally and she killed him. This sent her into depression.

vi. When Matthew came back, she asked him to take away the Alpha position from her and become Alpha.

If you have any other questions and you are confused or have forgotten, please ask it in the comments or Dm me. Thank you.

Now, Enjoy...

I wake up with a small jerk, my ears planted against a steady heartbeat, the most peaceful sleep I've had in a long time. Fingers are at my temples, the massaging motion that had initially put me to sleep completely ceased despite his fingers still there.

The sound of his slow breathing enables me to know that he isn't sleeping. He tenses when I move slightly and I look up, my body heating itself against him. He moves his hands to my back, pulling me in closer as he starts to rub my back.

"Calm down," he whispers while I gulp slightly, a lump completely formed in my throat.

He sits up a bit, pulling me up with him until his legs are hooked around me and my body is hugging his chest not wanting to let him go. I hold on to him so tightly that he starts to tense but never once stops me until his hands stop soothing my back.

"Are you sure about what you asked? Are you sure that's what you want? It might change everything," he drawls, his breath heavy but his heartbeat calms against me.

I only nod. Being Alpha has brought me nothing but pain and misery. It has forced me to do things that are beyond me and lose the ones I love in the process. I was never meant to be Alpha. And I don't want it anymore. Besides, I'm weak and like Matt said, I've been weak for too long. My pack doesn't need that.

"If you love me, Matthew, you'll take it away," I bury my head against his chest, not wanting him to look into my eyes. I don't want to see the judgement I know is there lurking there in them.

He exhales, his chin resting on my head before he nods.

~*~*~

Healing has to be one of the hardest things in life. The thought seems easy, serene but the reality is nothing but a bitter truth. I try, daily, I try but the minute I close my eyes, everything comes rushing back in hot, intense flashes. Ever since Mahsa came to do the ceremony to transfer the Alpha position to Matthew, Rae has been weakened within me.

And as much as I hate to acknowledge it, it has left me feeling even more empty. So much more hollow.

The impulsiveness I constantly had to battle with and keep under check for the past several months now completely evades me. I'm nothing but a calm mess. Except, it's more dangerous. All I feel is suffering. A suffering I can't express and when it gets too much, I have breakdowns. Sometimes, it lasts for hours and all I do is cry then fall asleep.