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| Ceylon |
Everyone was sleeping, well everyone except for me.
I offered to take the first watch and they all just went with it, mostly because they were too tired and hurt from the fall to stay up. That was the very reason why I couldn't sleep, I felt so guilty. If only I didn't scream, if only I kept my mouth shut. Then no one would have to get hurt, we could have found a place to spend the night and actually have a quiet morning, but no.
I was sitting at a few meters away from the group, my head buried in my hands as I try to remain calm. But I couldn't this was all my fault, Rhain getting injured was my fault and in the morning I would hear all about it from Jessica.
"Are you okay".
I look behind me and see Aris looking at me with a worried facial expression, it seems that at least one of the guys trusts me.
"Yeah, just thinking about things" I told him, "but you should get some rest, I can wake you up for the next shift".
Aris shakes his head as he takes a seat next to me. It feel all too familiar only this time it is with a different guy, normally it's Newt who joins me during the watch.
"I know you feel guilty Cey, but you can't blame yourself for what happened. If it wasn't you then someone else would have gotten their attention" Aris says softly as he pats my shoulder, "don't get too fed up with what happened. I don't blame you".
I only nod softly, I was not in the mood for conversations. Not with anyone of them.
"Aris I know, I just need a moment".
"I understand, but if you change your mind you know where I sleep" he says half jokingly.
The younger boy only nods as he stands up, he's contemplating on whether of not he should stay by my side, but in the end he decides to give me the space I so desperately need right now. I hear his footsteps getting softer before a soft thud sound can be heard, indicating that he's laying on the floor again.
When I'm sure he's not coming back I bury my head in my hands again, feeling how I was starting to shiver. However I wasn't sure if it was because of the cold or because of how I felt. It could have been a combination of both.
I take a deep breath, biting my lower lip but I can't help it. A single tear escapes from my eye, it doesn't take long before I'm silently sobbing. I couldn't help but blame myself for all that had happened, if it went a little differently then I would have had Rhains death on my conscious.
My head jerks up when I feel someone putting their jacket around my shoulders, "I told you I'm fine Aris" I say as I look the other way to wipe away my tears.
However I can't seem to stop them from falling.
"First of all that's a bloody lie" I hear that familiar voice say before he takes a seat next to me, "and second of all I'm Newt, not Aris. Now look at me".
I shake my head stubbornly, I didn't want to show Newt my weak side. It's the one side almost no one has ever seen of me, and I wanted to keep it that way.
Suddenly I feel his warm hands cup my cheeks to turn my face into his direction, I notice his warm eyes. They don't seem to blame me for what happened, they only showed me warmth.
"Listen Cey, I know why you're crying" he starts as he gently wipes away my tears, "and I overheard your conversation with Aris, so I know that whatever I say won't help you feel less bad". His soft thumbs keep wiping away the tears that keep coming, "I just want you to know that your watch is always ridiculously long, how does one stay up for that late and still have energy to run a marathon".
For a second I don't understand what he's talking about, that's until I realize he's trying to cheer me up. Knowing that I won't listen to the 'it's not your fault' talks.
My lips curve up in a small smile as I look down at the hardwood floor, hoping that no one would ever find out about this moment. But I let my weakness get the best of me. I remove his hands from my cheeks before wrapping my arms around his torso.
"I know you don't trust and like me, but I really need a hug right now" I mutter softly as I bury my face in his chest.
"It's okay Ceylon, weak moments show that you're human" he whispers as he wraps his arms around me. "But seriously, I wasn't joking about your watch- and am I promoted to your personal tissue" he continues.
Normally I would have gotten mad at him, but he already saw me at my weak moment. There's nothing else he hasn't seen of me yet. Besides, I just hugged him out of nowhere. A guy I only know the name of, with whom I had only spend a few days with- and I just hugged him.
"Personal tissue for just tonight" I whisper back, "but I do hope your shirt won't have my tear stains on them" I say more to myself then to him.
"I'll just tell them I slept sitting and drooled".
A soft chuckle escapes from my lips.
"But honesty, I'm glad you're laughing again. When I saw you sitting there and hearing your sobs, it's not a nice things to see or hear" Newt says, softly rubbing my back, "and about the not trusting you part, I think you're okay. The others seem to trust you, so I should too".
"Are you for real" I ask.
I wasn't sure how long it would take for him to trust me, but something told me that him seeing me vulnerable has something to do with it. He saw my true nature, how things can get to me.
He hummed softly, "yeah, I was just overreacting. It's not as if you tried to kill Aris, you were just protecting your friends".
Suddenly I feel something being pressed to my forehead. I feel confused since I don't understand what it is, but it feels soft. It's something I can't explain.
"Thanks for everything Newt, you're not that bad either".
With that I felt my eyes grow heavy, this would be the first time I fell asleep during a watch. But I didn't care.
The last thing I heard before falling into a deep slumber was Newt's soft voice, but his words didn't reach me in time.
