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| Rhain |
Murderer
That word kept going through my head every time I thought of Emme.
Her cute smile murderer,her sassiness murderer.
but it was not Ceylon's or Jessica's voice I heard, no it was my own, because even though I stopped her from suffering I still pulled the trigger and killed her.
No matter how you look at it I am a killer, a good trait I suppose since it's our mission to kill Ava Paige.
A bitter chuckle escapes my lips, I stopped crying a few hours ago, the tears quickly stopped after my first outburst when I came in here. Now I just feel numb like I my soul died with Emme when I shot her and maybe it did, how else can I shoot a thirteen year old.
"here you are" I hear a voice say and look to see Thomas standing over me his eyes sad. I just shrug and hug my legs closer to me.
"leave me alone" I mutter and burry my face in my arms. He doesn't listen to me though as I feel him sitting next to me. Some guys just can't take a hint.
I move to get up and move away from him but he grabs my arms instead pulling me onto his lap. My face half buried in his chest as he wraps his arms around me. For a second I'm completely stunned the urge to move away from him quickly fading , instead I start to crave the safeness I feel when he holds me like this.
He doesn't say anything just holding me rubbing my back, waiting for me to relax in his arms but I'm afraid to do so, as soon as I relax my walls will break. he rubs my back as I start to shiver.
"I got you" he whispers soothingly and then my walls crumble.
I start to sob into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his jacket. He holds me tight whispering soothing words while rocking me as my tears soak his shirt.
"I failed her" I cry between sobs. I feel Thomas take a hold of my chin forcing me to look at him. his face is a blur cause of my tears but I can still can see a reassuring smile on his face.
"you didn't ok, look at me" he orders as I had looked away from him, not wanting to hear what he had to say "you didn't fail her, you did what she asked, you would have failed her if you left her to suffer" he continues holding my eyes with his gaze, seeing if his message came through. It did, I knew I did what I had to do but that doesn't make the pain and the guilt go away.
"I know it doesn't change how you feel, nothing will but you need to hear it" he smiles softly at me wiping my tears away with his thumb. Slowly I nod leaning into the touch of his hand.
"we gave her a proper burial" he says softly "the boys and I did it, you should say goodbye before we leave later" he explains calmly trying to get my head back into the game. I clear my throat softly and nod wanting to get of his lap but his grip tightens.
Surprised I look at him but he only as adoration in his eyes and it feels like the world around me is disappearing leaving only Thomas and me. He cups my cheek and pulls me closer to face, a shaky breath escapes my lips as I close my eyes, his lips brushing against mine-
"there you guys are!" Frypan calls making me jump of Thomas lap immediately blushing furiously nut Frypan is completely oblivious to it though
"we found a lot of food and water, you should come and check it out" he says a bit too happy for my taste.
'we will be there in a minute" Thomas says surprising frypan who looks between me and Thomas before nodding "eh yeah right of course, sorry" he babbles before he disappears again. Awkwardly we get up of the floor. Did he almost kiss me?
"right um sorry about that, I didn't mean, I shouldn't have taken adv-"
"Thomas" I says stopping his mumbling, bilking rapidly he looks at me "thank you" I whisper to him and he smiles before pulling me into a hug again. A small pang in my chest when I think back about how Emme found us tangled in each other.
"always" he whispers into my hair tightening his embrace. We stay like that for a few seconds before he reluctantly lets go.
"ready?" he asks me and it takes me to understand what he meant by that. He is asking if I'm ready to face the others yet and suddenly my insecurity is back, what if Ceylon still doesn't want to see me, what if the others won't accept me.
'I'll be there in a minute" I smile at him and he opens his mouth to protest but decides against it and instead just nods. He kisses me softly on the cheek before leaving the room in to big strides. Frozen I stand there, the part of my cheek where he kissed me feels on fire and I can't help the smile that forms on my face which me brings me back to a few minutes earlier when our lips almost touched, would he have kissed me there if Frypan hadn't interrupted?
My blush is getting worse, the same as my guilt. I shouldn't be smiling after everything that happened but somehow Thomas had managed to do just that.
I take a few deep breaths calming my nerves and the to make the blush on my face disappear. Nobody needs to know about this. Besides I need to get my walls back up or else any commend I will probably get from Jessica and maybe even Ceylon will send me crying and I can't have that. I am still a leader and I can't afford to show my weakness.
One more deep breath and then I walk out of the room, ready to face the group.
