I wish my life was cool or happier I guess or maybe if I was less smart I'd think like this less because even tho it's a statistic like smart people get depression more but it's probably genetic anyway and I think it's more anxiety but geez I don't know maybe if I lived a better life I'd have a better outlook and geez that's really not fair. Like yeah life's not fair but geez what did I do to get such a shitty life like I can't remember a majorly positive year I'm just kinda used to feeling like shit and I kinda lowkey hate that because it's selfish but I just wanna know why I deserve this I guess why I deserved such shitty people why cool people became shitty I don't know what I want from life anymore a year ago I did and that crashed and burned and that's scary and I don't know jeez I gusssv I still wanna be an artist but I'm pretty shitty or I get like too keen on making whatever perfect and any friend I gave that likes art a lot in person kinda belittles it little detail by detail even if I think so and she kinda acts a bit jerky and like I guess she's also made me feel really stupid because I am stupid but I'm good at hiding emotions even though I feel like clawing my throat out half the time so that's cool and self esteem boosting and jeez I guess that's another reason why I miss them a lot because they used to be super super positive and supportive at first and that was a cool thing to have because they'd get so excited and that made me happy I guess and I guess I also understand some people don't work out and things like that die and it hurts A lot because even tho it was me that finally killed it part of me hates I even had to and you know that really hurts and it's like something died inside me some days when I think like this because that constant voice is gone and I guess that's also super cool right and jeez I miss my cat skit too and we got this cat moxy WHOS black and white but majority of her head and back side are all black and last night she looked a lot like tomtom and I started crying because that cat was my best friend and my dad gave it away to a stranger with no even background check and made twenty dollars from it so that's super super cool and god why do I feel so shorty so much why can't emotions like this just stay away I don't like it I just want a break jeez like I hope life gets less shitty one day because people say shit like that but I'm certain it'll only be ok if I work for it and that's really really hard and I really really don't wanna be failure I want a good life I wanna lead a good life I wanna be happy g o d please I wanna grow up to have a decent life please give me one as an adult because my childhoods fucking hell I just want to feel happiness jeez I'm a kid or teenager and sure I'm mature and quiet or whatever but Why can't I feel less shirty why does life hate me or god hate me jeez why can't it be less bad I don't get it really I don't understand what I did
