The Second Bride on the List

Chapter 15

"Ly," Ella called out, "okay ka lang talaga?"

Alyssa raised her head, "Ah, oo naman.  Bakit mo naitanong?"

Ella sat beside her, a little bit concerned.  "Wala lang," she mused, "Pero parang wala ka sa sarili e.  Di mo man lang napansin na pumayat na ako ng mga 1 inch off sa bewang ko."

"Non-existent ang claim mo, Ella, kaya tigilan mo ako," she said, and stood up from where she was seated.  She's at Ella's place, trying to pass time.  Trying to clear her head.  She stood by the window, gazing outside.  Absentmindedly. 

"Alam mo, kung wala kang problema," Ella tucked her feet beneath her legs, "bakit 'di mo pa inakyat ang mga damit mo dito kung mag-o-overnight?"  Alyssa just kept quiet, running her fingers on the window pane.  "Nag-away ba kayo ni Kiefer?" she asked Alyssa, biting into an apple, "Suplado ba siya in person?"

Alyssa shook her head.

She was hurt to the core, insulted to her soul, when she was offered the money, and in writing.  It doesn't feel like a gift.  It felt like she was tied to it and fully accountable every year, and that she can earn her worth as soon as Sarah is found.

"Kung walang problema, bakit ganyan ka? Mas matindi ka pa sa zombie," Ella said pointedly.  She sighed, and turned towards Ella.  She needs to let this out of her chest.

Ella sensed the change in Alyssa's mood, and patted the seat beside her.  Alyssa went back, plopped on the couch beside her best friend, and leaned her head on Ella's shoulder.  "Ang bigat-bigat ng loob ko, Ells.  Ang bigat-bigat ng loob ko," she muttered.

Ella patted her head with her clean hand, "Gusto mo, sabay ka sa akin magdiet?"  Alyssa sighed, trying to appreciate the joke but just can't.  Ella leaned her head on hers, "Kung ano man yan, Ly, dadamayan kita. Andito lang ako."

Andito lang ako...

The line reverberated in her head.

She felt she has volunteered to be a kidnap victim, but then a kidnap victim all the same.  Yes, her lifestyle has definitely changed - a bigger room all for herself, food she doesn't have to pay, and...

A bigger prison wall -  pretending to be someone else.

When before her main concern was how much she could earn so she could send the money back to her parents, while trying to survive on an allowance, right now, it has just gone bigger, with her trying to play the part of someone else's wife.

And all the while, falling deep in love with the family who has been accommodating and warm... until the day they gave her the agreement to sign.

She felt betrayed, that all of it was a lie.  Their kindness was a lie.

But then, Kiefer's doesn't seem to be.  It felt... So real. 

The rainbow after a thunderstorm.  The light at the end of the tunnel.

So she let out all her thoughts and emotions, unburdening herself to Ella, who listened silently, her eyes full of concern, worry, and care.

She was crying while she was narrating what had happened.  And Ella hugged her, quiet as a mouse.  Listening to her.  And even after she has let out all that has been running in her mind, she was just silently hugging her, squeezing her arms, comforting her.

She let the sob run in her body for the last time.  She wanted to flush out all the worries, and sorrows.  She just wanted to clear her system, and breathe once again.

"Ells," she started, still holding on to Ella, "tanga ba ako?"

Ella rubbed her arms on Alyssa's arms, "Lahat naman tayo, 'di ba?" Ella looked at her friend, "Lahat naman tayo may angking katangahan.  Minsan nagpapaka-hero. Minsan nagbubulagbulagan.  Minsan nagpapanggap na matibay.  Pero sa lahat ng 'to, ang alam lang natin ay kelangan may gawin tayo, may taong pupuno ng pangangailangan ng panahon, at feeling natin, tayo 'yun."

Alyssa stopped sobbing, and was now listening to Ella, "Naiintindihan ko naman na ginawa mo yun para lang mahanap si Sarah.  Pero ang sa akin lang, mag-ingat ka, at maging mapanuri.  Kung nasasaktan ka ngayon, ibig sabihin, alam mo sa sarili mo na may katotohanan ang sinasabi nila.  O di kaya, alam mong may pagkukulang sa ginawa mo."

"Hindi ba pwedeng nasaktan lang ako dahil mali ang pagkakaintindi nila sa gusto ko?" Alyssa asked softly.  Ella sighed.   "Pero kung tutuusin, Ly, parang binibigyan ka lang nila ng bayad para sa serbisyo mo.  Masama ba 'yun?" Ella smoothed her hair, "Hindi ka naman nila inaapi.  Palit utang lang siguro."

"Hindi nababayaran ang ano mang tulong, lalo na ang makita si Sarah," Alyssa was in tears.  Ella held her hand, "Sino ba may sabi na binabayaran ka? Sinabi ko lang yun sa point of view na ginagamit nila ang oras mo.  At kung tutuusin, kahit hindi na nila hanapin si Sarah. Hindi nila kaano-ano si Sarah, kung hindi dahil kay Kiefer."

Alyssa absorbed all that she said, and she let out a big sigh, "So ang ibig mo bang sabihin, tanggapin ko na lang lahat?"

"Ang sinasabi ko lang, maging maingat ka.  Hindi ibig sabihin na ingatan mo sarili mo, e lahat na lang ng bagay may issue ka.  Pwede naman mag-ingat ka rin sa mga masasamang isip na pumapasok sa isipan mo.  Na pwedeng you're reading too much into things.  Magiging emotional ka, na tipong sinasaktan mo rin sarili mo."

Alyssa raised her eyes to her friend, seeking assurance, "Anong gagawin mo, kung ikaw ang nasa katayuan ko?"

"Hahanapin ko lang si Sarah," Ella simply stated, "Kung gusto nilang bayaran ang oras ko, tatanggapin ko.  Pera din yun.  Basta malinaw na hindi nila ako itatali sa ayaw kong paraan."

Alyssa nodded, but she could not just-

"Ly, may itatanong ako sa 'yo, pero sana, maging honest ka sa akin," Ella asked, catching her attention.  Alyssa looked at her.  "Bakit ka nasasaktan?"

Alyssa bit her lip, unsure how to answer it.

"Kase ang alam ko, nasasaktan ka lang pag nagsimula ka ng mag-invest ng emotions," Ella slowly trudged on.  "Mahal mo na ba si Kiefer?"
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He was staring blindly into the dark skies, holding on to his hot cup of coffee late at night.

He wanted to sleep, but he needed something to warm him up.  And he's not even thinking about sex, which is fairly odd.

He took a sip of his coffee.

He could not bring himself to tell his grandfather that Alyssa has left them, that she was just playing a role, and not exactly his wife.  He wanted to rephrase the thought, how to break it to him gently...

The house reverberated with deafening silence, as if trying to cloak what is missing. 

Or who is missing.

He dropped his head, trying to catch her footsteps.  Her voice humming some old broken song.  Or that tinkle of her laugh.  Even just notes of it.  And even just one.

He took a sip again.

He misses her company.  The way she makes him laugh even on something mundane or stupid.  She makes him feel a little less burdened.  She makes him find sense in something that could be annoyingly inconvenient.

And now, he has set her free.  Where she could sing songs somewhere he could not hear.

Footsteps.

He closed his eyes.  That can't be his grandfather's.  Nor his grandmother's.

"Kief?"

He let out a sigh.

"Ba't ka bumalik?" he asked.  Afraid to turn around.  Afraid to find out he is just living a daydream.

Alyssa moved forward towards him, and touched his shoulder.  "Nangako pala ako sa 'yo."

Kiefer's back is still towards her, and she let her hand slide.  But Kiefer immediately held on to her.

Surprised, they both were.

Alyssa tried to remove her hand, and he let her.

"Pasensiya na, Kiefer, kung naging mahina ako," she murmured, then drew in a deep breath, "Nadala lang ako ng emosyon."

"Bakit ka bumalik?"

She dropped her head, "Kelangan nating mahanap si Sarah-"

"I don't give a damn," and he turned around and left her.

She wiped the tears on her face with her palm, trying hard not to let them spill.  But she's losing this fight.

She could maybe book another taxi to take her back to Ella's.  She turned and started walking back to where she dropped her bag, and was about to leave-

"Ly," he suddenly called out.  She stopped, not moving.

"I'm sorry," he choked on his words, "I didn't mean it that... way..."

She closed her eyes.  She has to remember that she's here for Sarah.

She's here for Sarah.

She turned around and looked at him, and tried to smile but failed at it. "Para. Kay. Sarah," she emphasized each word, trying to control her emotions.

Kiefer slowly walked towards her, his eyes not leaving her face.  "Why," he blurted out, when they are face to face, "is it hard... to let you go?"

Alyssa shook her head, "kase kelangan nating magtulungan..."

Kiefer sighed, and reached for her hand, "Thank you, bumalik ka."

"Para kay Sarah," she whispered.  Kiefer nodded, and squeezed her hand.  She turned her head away.

Things will never be the same between them.
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