The Second Bride on the List

Chapter 26

She could feel some heaviness in her heart. Like she's coming down with a flu or something, like every part of her body is too heavy for her to carry. Even her very soul wants to stop fighting.

It's the day before Christmas, and Kiefer has a game later tonight. He might not be home for Noche Buena, so she can just as well attend the Evening Mass together with the Ravenas without him.

She sighed.

She does not feel like waking up. What if she'll just go home to Batangas, and be with her family?

She sighed again.

She looked at her side table. She knew it was Kiefer who left her 2 Patron seats ticket for the game tonight. Or maybe it could be Manang, but it must have been from Kiefer.

She didn't touch it when she saw the white envelope. But she knows it contains the tickets. She closed her eyes, willing her brokenness to go away.

It has been almost a week since she last talked to Kiefer. Childish it may sound, but she'd deliberately avoided responding to him, limiting herself to a grunt or a groan. She felt petty feeling this way, but its as if her body wanted her to know that it had enough of all the emotional torture. Of loving someone from afar, when he is just under your nose. Of trying to hide all these feelings deep in your stomach, together with guilt and regrets. Of trying to put out the light that was sparked by awareness, of trying to fight yourself everyday, depriving yourself of that happiness because this feeling is never meant to be in the first place.

She reached for her pillow, and hugged it tight, closing her eyes shut. Ella has warned her. Her parents have warned her. She should know better.

Then why is she like some teenager feeling her heart getting trampled on the knowledge that Kiefer will never be hers?

She burrowed her face in her pillow, trying to block the memory of him and Trinca at the mall. Cozy, and comfortable. And just so... So right. Like they belong in each others' arms.

She hit herself with her pillow in the head. "Tanga mo, Ly... Tanga! Tanga! Tanga!" she silently apprehended herself.

She's tired. She's tired of fighting for the love that is never hers.

She wants.... She wants to love herself. Take care of her heart. Make herself happy again.

A tear escaped from her eye. She hurriedly wiped it away. Sunlight is now streaming through her window. She breathed in deeply. And slowly, closed her eyes.

It's time to let go, and love myself.

Or should I just be honest to myself? That I love him and just enjoy what the day brings?

When she opened her eyes, she let them pan the room, trying to breathe in the familiar. She tried to smile; lifted the corner of her lips.

It really hurts, but she has to. I have to love mself, and will not deny myself the chance to be happy.

She slowly sat up, and saw the tickets. She wanted to ignore it, but then again, ignoring it would be tied to her emotions again. She slowly reached for it. Opened the envelope. Saw the 2 tickets.

And a note.

Alyssa,

This game tonight is for you.

Kiefer.

She let out a long deep shaky breath. She has never been this... this affected in her entire life. Her hand shaking, she put back the note in the envelope.