Spring Day

Chapter 5

You let your arm fall from your ear, glancing down at the picture of you and Namjoon on the bright screen as you always did at the end of your phone calls. Then you heard someone clear their throat in front of you. You lifted your eyes slowly too him. A tall, intimidating looking man in a long white lab coat. He looked briefly down at his clipboard, as if to remind himself of why he was even talking to you. A flippant moment on the job for him was a life altering moment for you and the reality of that hit you in a harsh and horrible way.

'Im sorry for your loss,' he said with an attempt at sympathy in his voice, like he had said those words a thousand times. You supposed he probably had, maybe even just today. 'Take as long as you need, but you can leave when you wish. A funeral director will be in touch in the next few days.' He turned quickly on his heels before you had time to waste another second of his day. Was that really it? All he had to say? And you could really just leave? Some how that felt so wrong. When you had imagined walking out of this hospital for the last time it had been with your father by your side. Shock set in quickly and you became surprisingly numb, too numb to even cry anymore. You weren't sure how long you sat there for but you knew it was long enough for the darkness outside to give way to weak winter sunlight. You finally stood, strength returning to your legs, and left. Simple as that. You breathed in the bleach like air that burnt your lungs for the last time and never even looked back at the place you hated the most. You had wasted far to many of your days rotting in there.

You walked for what felt like seconds back to your apartment and when you got there you realised you didn't remember anything about the walk. You half laughed under your breath. It was funny how sometimes time elapsed without you noticing. The numbness was beginning to leak out of you and was soon replaced by anger at your father for leaving you with this mess. In the next second you felt sadness, how could you blame him? That poor man who had worked half his life to make you happy. As this thought crossed your mind you reached the top of your stairs and saw something waiting for you outside of your door. You approached, cautious for some reason.

You squatted down in front of the gift. White roses, your favourite. You rested your head on your knees and stroked the soft petals, a small smile curling at the edge of your lips. You pulled the card gently from the grasp of the stems, catching your finger on a thorn as you did so. 'Crap,' you whisper under your breath, sucking the blood from the new cut and opening the card with your uninjured hand. You smiled to find it was written in Namjoon's familiar scrawl.

'My love, Congratulations on your Graduation Day. I love you. Kim Namjoon'

You traced his words with your fingers, lingering longer over his signature. He must of planned this a while ago, to have got this card to a florist and then to here. Then you realised what the words actually said. In all that had happened in the last 24 hours you had completely forgotten you were supposed to graduate today. You looked down at your watch. It was 9am. You had been awake for around 27 hours and now had to prepare for the biggest day of your life while mourning for the saddest day too.

You took your injured finger from you mouth, ignoring the blood still pouring from it and lovingly picked up your flowers. You unlocked the door and pushed it open with your shoulder. Placing the flowers down on your kitchen table you concluded to ring Namjoon before getting ready.

'Hey, how are you feeling?' Namjoon immediately answered the phone.

'Im okay, I think. Sorry I didn't call you sooner, I kinda spaced out the hospital. Pretty sure I was staring at a wall for about 5 hours.' You laughed, trying to cover up how strange that made you feel. 'I don't even know how that happened, I don't really remember anything after the doctor spoke to me.'

'Im sorry I'm not there,' he said simply, unsure of how else to reply to the uncontrollable stress in your voice. The numbness you had felt was now completely gone and you felt that Namjoon's reassuring voice would soon be the undoing of the heavy emotions weighing you down.

'I need to get ready for graduation but I don't know how I'm even going to leave the house. I just want to go to sleep and forget this is happening.'

'You need to go Y/N. Your father would want you to go, he worked so hard to get you where you are. He would never want to be the one who caused you to let it all fall apart in the end. Then when you get home you can call me and you can cry and scream and shout and tell me everything you feel about what's happened okay?' You felt hot tears fall from your eyes as you heard the exact words you needed to hear. Tough love was what you needed right now and Namjoon gave you that in the kindest way. 'You can do this baby, just a few hours okay? You can do this. My show will be done at 2pm your time and I'll be home by 3pm. You'll be done by the right?'

'Yeah I'll be home around that time too.' You chocked on your words but swallowed, determined to hold in everything you were feeling to share with him later, right now neither of you had the time. 'Thank you for my flowers,' You added in a whispered tone.

'Only the best for my girl.' He said, and you could hear his beautiful dimpled smile behind his words. What you'd give to see that smile for real right now. 'Y/N, I'm so sorry but I need to go.' He sighed heavily. 'I hate this, to do what I love I have to cut time with the girl I love short.'

'It's okay,' you spoke honestly. 'I'm okay, you always know exactly what to say. I'll speak to you soon. BTS fighting!' You said as words of encouragement for him and the other members.

'Y/N fighting!' He said in reply. 'I love you.' And then he was gone and the empty, silent apartment began to immediately eat into your sanity. You breathed heavily. Just a few hours and you could cry all you wanted. Right now you needed to go make your father and Namjoon proud.