Spring Day

Chapter 26

You were quiet as you got into the taxi, too quiet for Namjoon's liking. He was all too aware that he was asking you to leave everything behind but you had been quick to agree to that. Too quick maybe? Were you having second thoughts? He studied your face for a moment, trying to gage your emotions, but none graced your features. You were in your vacant world, numb to your surroundings and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. So instead he placed is hand on yours and sat back in his seat, waiting for Jin to get in the car.

'Okay, are we ready?' Jin asked finally as he sat in the front seat. He turned and looked between his seat and the drivers at you both.

'No!' You and Namjoon said together and then looked at each other. Jin blinked hard at you both, confused by your answers.

'Well I know why I'm not ready, but why aren't you?' You asked, suddenly noticing Namjoon's hand on yours and choosing that moment to entwine your fingers with his. He smiled at the action and became thankful that Jin had popped the bubble you had momentarily trapped yourself in.

'I don't know.' Namjoon uttered, not breaking his eye contact with you. 'You seemed like you needed more time.'

'Have we got time?' You asked, sharing your gaze between the two of them.

'We've got an hour or so before we need to be at the airport.' Jin confirmed, checking the time on his phone.

'I need to go see him...' You trailed off and looked down at your hand in Namjoon's.

'Of course, let's go.'

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The sun was shining down on the beautiful hill that day and the grass glistened beneath your feet. You and Namjoon strolled slowly between the graves, hand in hand, hearts heavy as you approached the hardest goodbye yet.

'Is Jin going to be okay waiting in the taxi? Even if we take a while?' You asked, taking a second to glance back over your shoulder at the entrance.

'He'll be fine. That taxi driver will probably be BTS's number one fan by the time we get back...whether he wants to be or not.'

'Yeah, you're right.' You laughed.

Soon you both stood before the grave. Namjoon bowed, lower then usual and you suddenly felt the weight of how this must feel for him too. He had met your father on numerous occasions and they had hit it off from day one.

Tears began to prick at the corner of your eyes as you remembered one particular conversation.

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'Y/N. Go. You deserve a break and he seems like a nice guy.'

'Dad! But what about the cafe?'

'Stop making excuses and go. He's from that group you like right? I'm not letting you turn down an opportunity like that for my poxy little coffee shop.'

'Aww Dad, don't call it that. You've put your life into this place.'

'Yeah, and I've also put my life into making my little girl happy. There's a point where I can't do that anymore, I'm passing it onto that guy, I've decided. He's gunna make you so damn happy, I can feel it. So go Y/N.'

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'Y/N.' Namjoon's voice brought you back to the present and you were suddenly conscious of the tears that were now streaming down your face.

'Sorry.' You whispered as Namjoon put his arm around you and pulled you closer into his side. 'Thanks Dad.' You spoke louder now, directing your words at the head stone that marked your fathers resting place. You spoke as if he was stood right in front of you and your eyes were so clouded with tears that for all you knew, he could of been. 'Without you, I'd be doing this on my own. I don't think I could do that.'

You could feel Namjoon's questioning eyes on you, but he didn't say a word. He didn't want to be the one to break this monologue that you so obviously needed. You suddenly realised that you had never told him that vital part to the story of you and him.

 'My dad was the one who convinced me to go out with you that first time. He told me he knew you were going to make me happy. I wonder if he's smiling somewhere knowing he was right. You should be thankful too.' You looked up at him, a fresh tear cascading down your cheek.

'I'm so thankful...' He began, wiping the tears from your face with his thumb. 'For so much more then just that.' He smiled reassuringly at you and pulled you impossibly closer.

You let Namjoon hold you for a minute before kneeling down in the grass and continuing your one sided conversation with your father.

Namjoon stood patiently behind you, occasionally wiping a stray tear from his own face. Before he knew it you were stood by his side again.

'Okay. I'm ready.' You said taking a heavy and healing breath. But suddenly ready was far from how Namjoon felt. He grasped at his emotions trying desperately to organise the chaos that had so quickly befell his mind. The only feeling he seemed to be able to catch however was grief. Heart stopping grief. He had watched your grief come and go before his eyes and now he felt terrified in the wake of his own.

'Namjoon.' You stared up at him, trying to meet his gaze, but he was looking right through you. You sighed affectionately at the familiarity of his blank eyes. Not so long ago, grief had over taken you too. You'd had time to deal with that, time to learn how to live with the crashing waves that still occasionally took hold of you. Namjoon however, had not. He had been so far away that all he had to rely on was your words of your fathers death. He had never had to look it in the face like this. The cold hard fact that a man who he looked up to unconditionally was gone had only just hit him and the evidence of that was ringing out through his whole shaking body.

You finally concluded that there was only one thing you could do, what you had so desperately needed back in the mist of your deep grief. You hugged him, so tightly.

'I just wish I got to spend more time with him.' Namjoon's words came all of a sudden as if your touch had broken down his wall but you still chose to tread carefully over the rubble that left behind. Then his arms were around you too.

'I know, but he got his wish. We're happy, happy together right?'

'Right.' Namjoon repeated and finally looked down at you, the grief slowly retreating from his eyes, for now. He'd have many more moments like this, you both would. But for now you were both okay in each other's arms. You stood like that for a while, finding comfort from the warmth of each other. Until finally you were ready to leave, both of you this time. You bowed and waved your goodbyes and headed down the path.

'Remember when I tried to teach him some Korean?' Namjoon laughed as you walked.

'Oh God! He was so bad at it! That was a good day.' You laughed with Namjoon, happy to be focusing on good days, hoping there was going to be so many more with Namjoon by your side.