Spring Day

Chapter 12

Your apartment was cold and empty as you reentered it in the dark. You let your keys fall from your hands and collapsed into a broken heap on the floor. Your back lent against your front door and you knees tucked tightly under your chin. Sobs began to ring there way through your body. You missed Namjoon more then you ever had now because of the agonisingly short amount of time you had just spent together.

You had spent every day for the past 7 months contemplating what you would say to him when you saw him again, what you would do, what you would feel, how he would feel. They were all things that you had thought of and even planned to the furthers extent that you could. None of the words you had planned had come out, there hadn't been the time. You began to think it would have been better if you had never gone to the concert in the first place.

Going to the concert had burst the bubble that you had surrounded yourself in. You had spent your time out of your apartment pretending that he didn't even exist, kidding yourself just to get through the day. And as awful as that sounded it had been working. It meant you could put on a smile in front of your colleagues and you could leave your apartment in the morning without a tear streamed face. But now, the reality was that he was real, and so were your overwhelming feelings for him. Feelings so painful that your whole body ached.

You felt your phone ringing in your pocket and for a moment you let the shallow vibrating sound ring out through the apartment. The sound almost numbing you. After a while you pulled it out of your pocket, to see his name flashing across the screen. Namjoon. You gripped your phone to tightly in your hand and blinked heavy tears from your eyes. The sight of his name brought something up in you that you had never felt for him before. You weren't sure if it was hate but it was pretty close. You hated him for leaving you. You hated him for doing what he loved. You hated him for having the support of his band mates when you had no one. You hated him for making it impossible for you to actually hate him.

You screamed angrily to yourself and threw the still ringing phone across the room. With the sharp cracking sound that this caused your hate shifted. You knew you didn't hate him, the person you really hated was yourself.

You were the one who had left in the first place. You were the one who allowed him to have this effect on you. And you were the reason that there was no one here to support you. You had done a fine job of making yourself completely and utterly miserable. You placed your forehead on your knees and closed your eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain.

You were suddenly aware of a familiar far off vibrating sound and raised your head again to see your phone lit up at the other side of the room. You took a sigh of relief at the realisation that it wasn't completely broken. You stood on wobbly legs and walked slowly over to it. You stared down at the broken but bright screen for a couple of seconds before bending to pick it up. You looked at his name on your screen again and felt happy to find that your moment of hate was gone.

'Namjoon,' You whispered his name and realised that you were very out of breath. Your sudden breakdown had obviously taken its toll on you. You sat down heavily onto the edge of your bed.

'Y/N,' He breathed back and you were shocked to hear the same exhaustion in his voice.

You sat for a while like that, listening to the rise and fall of each other's chests, neither of you entirely sure what to say.

'I miss you.' His words finally pierced the silence.

'I miss you too, more the ever.' The words fell shattered from your mouth, the feelings coming out to quickly to arrange correctly. But you were mildly aware that your complete misery had been removed from your heart quickly by his simple words.

How could you ever hate a man who effected you so positively and so completely. You promised yourself right then and there that you would never misplace your hate onto him again.