Spring Day

Chapter 9

Was it always going to be like this? And we're you okay with that?

The next few hours were plagued with these thoughts. Your ideas varied from certainty that this was what you wanted no matter what to a sharp pain of realisation that you couldn't do this anymore, no matter how much you wanted to.

The loss of your father also hit you like a train that night. You had been hiding those feelings deep down inside you since he had died. Other thoughts clouding your mind from the pain but now those thoughts were gone. The busy momentum of life had stopped all of a sudden and now there was nothing but the dreaded darkness of grief. You cried more tears then you ever had in your life, you were sick, you screamed, you sat silently for hours staring at nothing. It was as if your heart was truly breaking. Your first hero was gone and now your first love was so far out of reach. How was anyone supposed to deal with that?

Finally sleep over came your exhausted mind but your dreams were ripe with your same waking feelings, and they couldn't be shaken. You woke the next morning even more exhausted then when you had gone to sleep. You glared at your phone, the reason for your waking but answered it all the same.

'Hello?' You answered, rubbing your sleepy eyes and sitting up, taking in the surroundings and realising you had fallen asleep on the sofa.

'Hello? Is that Y/N?' The unfamiliar voice asked.

'Yeah, speaking.'

'Hi, I'm ringing in regards to the recent columnist position you applied for with our magazine. We would love to offer you the job.' The voice was bright and happy but your mind was still clouded by a heavy sadness. You paused for far to long. You were meant to be leaving for Korea in a couple of weeks. But should you still go? You didn't know. What was the point now? You loved Seoul and felt so happy there, but that was for one reason. Namjoon.

'Wow, thank you so much.' You voice rigid with fake happiness. 'I'd love to accept.'

'Brilliant! Would you be able to come down to the office this afternoon around 1pm to discuss details?' The women on the other end sound thrilled by the concept and you briefly wondered if that was just part of her persona, just like Rap Monster was half of Namjoon.

'I'll be there, thank you again.' You hung up the phone, rubbed your eyes again and stood up. You sighed as you looked at your reflection in the mirror. It was going to take some work to make yourself presentable today.

Your thoughts turned to Namjoon, how was he going to feel about this? Had it really been the right thing to do? And was it just another sign that you and Namjoon just weren't meant to be.

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After your phone call with Namjoon he had stayed in the studio, unsure of where else to go. He took periodic breaks from staring at the wall to look at your picture on his newly fixed phone screen. He couldn't help but wondering if he had just ruined everything. He wasn't sure why but this was more painful then when you had told him you were going to leave in the first place. This time everything had been laced with excitement and an expectant certainty that you were coming home soon. This time he had taken that away and he wasn't sure that he had ever felt worse. He threw his hands in his hair and lent back on his chair. He kicked his legs out and knocked the table legs, causing his phone to fall to the floor. He heard a bang and a crack. He took his hands from his hair and looked down at the floor. The newly fixed screen of his phone now not so fixed after all. 'You've got to be kidding me right?' He breathed. He bent and picked up the phone, the picture of you was cracked again. Was this a sign that he was about to hit rock bottom again? The last time this had happened he'd spiralled downwards quickly. As he placed the phone back down onto the desk he heard the door click open.

'Namjoon?' Jin's soft voice came.

'Hyung.' Namjoon said, not turning around but staring down disheartened at his broken phone. 'Why do I always break everything?' He asked bluntly.

Jin walked over and looked down at the broken phone. 'Because you don't know your own strength.' He replied honestly.

'Hmmm....' Namjoon sighed, leaning forward and placing his forehead on the desk.

'How did she take it?' He asked, placing a hand on Namjoon's head and ruffling his hair slightly, attempting to take the role of big brother to someone who led him and the others so well.

'I think I forgot my own strength and broke her heart.' He mumbled.

'Yeah, but do you know what's stronger then you?' Jin asked, seating himself in the empty chair next to Namjoon.

'What?' Namjoon turned his head to look at Jin.

'Love.' Jin replied simply and smiled at the small but dimpled curl of Namjoon's lips. It might of been brief but it was a smile.

'Just when I didn't think you could get anymore cheesy.' Namjoon laughed slightly and shook his head at Jin. He sat up straight and pulled him long legs up onto the chair, tucking his knees under his chin.

'You know I have a point though.'

'Yeah, I guess you do.' Namjoon replied, staring at the desk in front of him.

'Is she still going to come to Korea?' Jin asked.

'I highly doubt that. What's the point?' Namjoon replied.

'Hmmm....Anyway I came to give you this,' Jin said, suddenly changing the subject. He pushed a piece of paper into Namjoon's line of vision.

'Why would I want to see a list of our tour dates right now?' He asked, shooting Jin a questioning and almost hurt look.

'Look at April 28th. That's Y/N's Birthday right?' Jin pointed to the date and Namjoon's eyes lit up slightly as he finally saw what Jin was trying to show him.

'We're going to be in her home town for her birthday?!' He asked excitedly.

'Fates a funny thing isn't it? Don't get too excited, I'm not sure you'll be able to see her properly because we leave the concert and go straight to the airport but....you happen to have a well connected hyung.' Jin said proudly and handed Namjoon a brown envelope. Namjoon pulled out the contents and his eyes met Jin's with thankful tears at their corners. He was holding a front row ticket for the concert in your city.

'I bet it will be the best birthday present she'll ever get.' Jin crossed his arms and smiled broadly at Namjoon's speechless gaze.