Spring Day

Chapter 19

Your heart raced as Namjoon kissed you. You cheeks flushed bright red, as if this was the first time, as if you were confessing to each other, not on the edge of falling apart.

You searched inside yourself desperately, looking for any sign of indifference but there was none. Namjoon set a fire inside you that no one else had ever come close to. A fire that you were now so desperately trying to extinguish. You had made up your mind and for once you needed to stick to your decision. No matter how good his touch felt it was nothing compared to the strength of the pain you would feel when he was gone again.

You didn't want the kiss to end, because you knew as soon as it did you were going to have to confirm what Namjoon was so desperately trying to avoid.

As Namjoon slowly pulled away you found your fists balled in the front of his oversized shirt, holding on with everything you had. Not ready to let go. Would you really ever be ready?

As he placed his forehead against yours, your eyes met his and you were surprised to see your own tears reflected in his eyes.

'Can you please stay with me?' His whisper so low that you had to drop your gaze to read his lips.

You searched your brain for the words you were so certain of not moments ago, the words you were confident in before he stood before you like this.

'Namjoon I...' You began but he cut you off again by pulling you to him. He placed his chin on the top of your head and held you tightly.

'Please.' He begged, louder now.

'But it hurts.' You sobbed into his chest, absorbing his comforting touch and familiar smell.

You looked up at him slowly when he didn't respond to your words and he quickly looked down at you in return.

'I know, but does this not hurt more?' He asked, looking away again to try and conceal the tears that were now beginning to fall.

You supposed Namjoon was right. Yet again you had fooled yourself, a talent you seemed to have not only gained but excelled in recently. You had fooled yourself into believing that if you stuck to your word then it wouldn't mean anything. You had fooled yourself that your words didn't mean this would be the last time. This could be the last time he held you, the last time he kissed you, the last time you saw him. Surely the idea that there would always be a next time was better then knowing this was the last time. The thought fell heavily onto your chest and your heart began to waver.

This wasn't really it, was it?

You let go of the front of Namjoon's shirt and moved your arms so they were wrapped around his waist.

No, this wasn't it. It couldn't be.

You buried your head further into his chest and mumbled your next words into his shirt as he held you even tighter, an action you didn't think possible.

'But Namjoon, there is always going to be another concert, another new song, another comeback, another tour. I don't want to be without you anymore. I hurt so badly when your not here.'

'Hmm...' He sighed heavily and you could tell he was deep in thought, running over your words in his head, making sense of them.

'And this tour still has three months left. I can't wait that long to be with you again.' Your words were calmer now. This felt more like a conversation as apposed to a break up.

'So, what if I found a way that you could finish the tour with me?' His words instantly caught your attention and you stepped back to look at him, to confirm if he was being serious.

'Come with you? How?' You asked, holding back the excitement that was beginning to leak into your veins.

'I'll pull some strings, trust me. And the other concerts, the other songs, the other comebacks, the other tours...we'll figure them out the way we do best.'

You tilted your head to the side, quizzically.

'Together.' He breathed with a smile.