Spring Day

Chapter 8

Your heart raced as you held your phone firmly to your ear. It had rung out 3 times now and you were starting to feel anxious. Namjoon knew you were calling and he had never not picked up, not once. You tapped your foot subconsciously against the floor, the firm knocking that this caused making you feel worse.

You gasped and jumped in shock when he finally answered just as the call was about to ring out a fourth time. 'Where have you been?!?' You asked, sounded a little more angry then you had really intended.

'I'm so sorry Y/N, I fell asleep.' Namjoon replied. You immediately felt a weight fall onto your shoulders. Something in his voice wasn't right. The same anxiety that had been eating away at you from half an hour was laced thickly into his words.

'Are you okay?' You asked cautiously, picking at a loose thread on your dress.

He paused, for far too long. 'I'm okay. Did everything go okay?' He asked, he stuttered over his words and seemed unsure of what he was meant to be asking. His words were robotic, planned, or maybe not planned enough. You felt sick and nervous all of a sudden but you tried to brush it off, maybe he was just tired.

'It went as well as a funeral can. I'm glad it's over.' You tried to add some cheer to your voice, but you knew you had failed.

'Hmmm...' He replied.

' Namjoon? What's going on?' You asked, he had never been like this, not ever and it was starting to freak you out. Had he had second thoughts about you coming home?

'Nothing, nothing, sorry...I'm still half asleep. Talk to me, tell me all about it.' In a split second he was acting like his normal self but you knew what he was doing. This wasn't Namjoon, this was Rap Monster. He was putting on his stage persona and twisting it too seem like he was fine.

'Don't do that,' You whispered, pulling your legs up and placing your chin on your knees. You could feel hot tears pricking the corner of your eyes.

'What?' He asked, a small fake laugh at the end of his voice, pretending that he wasn't doing anything.

'Can I speak to Namjoon please, not Rap Monster?'

You heard him sigh heavily on the other end of the phone. The tense air seemed to lift and you could hear the stress in his breathing. What could possibly have got him so worked up? You wanted to go to him and hug him and the pain you felt from not being able to do that was agonising. 'Namjoon, talk to me. Please. What's going on? Your scaring me.' Your voice was softer now, still a whisper.

'I can't.' He chocked on his words. Pain evident, he was obviously struggling.

'Do you not want me to come home?' You asked, voicing your worst fear. You braced yourself for the answer, your whole body ached as you waited.

'I want you to come home more then anything...but...' he paused again and you heard something that sounded almost like a sob come from his lips.

'But?' You bit your lip, hoping that somehow this was going to hold in the tears. It didn't, they began to fall and there was no stopping them. You knew his next sentence was going to change everything. Everything you had both been planning.

'Im not going to be here when you do.'

Your heart stopped. All the excitement that had given you the energy to get through the past few weeks faded and you were left with a cruel numbness. 'Why?' You sobbed, unable to stop the pain that rippled through your chest.

'We spoke with the managers today. Our world tour starts the day you get here.' He was still stumbling over his words but he seemed calmer somehow, he had told you and now his burden was shared but he knew the worse was yet to come. 'I left the meeting, but after they were gone they told them how longs it's for.'

'How long?' You whispered so quietly he barely heard you.

'Well be back around August.' He breathed heavily, saying the words wasn't any easier then hearing them.

'Oh,' You whimpered, the only sound you could muster. You had never thought that this day could get any worse. You had buried your father with tears in your eyes and a heavy heart but with the knowledge that you were going to be going home, back to his arms. Now that was gone you didn't know what to do, you didn't know how to go on.

'We'll get through this, I promise. Once the tours out the way I won't have to go away for a while and my schedule will calm down. We'll be okay...won't we?' He spoke quickly, still anxious and part of you felt like he was reassuring himself more than he was you.

'Yeah,' You mumbled. You closed your eyes and let fresh tears fall down your face where the old ones hadn't even had a chance to dry. 'Why is the world determined to keep us apart?'

'I don't know.'

'I need to go,' You finally concluded. As cruel as it was to him you couldn't have this conversation anymore. You needed to pretend it never happened, go to sleep and dream happy dreams of good times together.

'Oh, okay.' He said sadly.

'I'm sorry, I need to sort my head out. I can't have this conversation right now.' You replied, choosing the path of honesty.

'Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Call me later okay?'

'Hmmm....Bogoshipda.' You hung up the phone and threw it down onto the bed next to you. You pulled your knees closer to you and hugged them tightly. How could everything change so rapidly in a matter of minutes? You were getting motion sickness with all of this. You lay back and curled up into a ball on the bed. This was what you'd signed up for when you started dating Namjoon but was the realisation of that just hitting you? Had you been hiding from the question that needed answering? Was it always going to be like this? And we're you okay with that?