Finding god

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House in la and i am in the kitchen i couldnt open a bottle of water so i chucked it at the wall broke down in tears and screamed at god

"Are you real are you even there how could you do this to me i hate you then i screamed at justin who wasnt even there "look what you did to me is this what you wanted why did
you cheat on me did i do something wrong" i screamed

to no one i cried i walked into my bathroom i wasnt wearing makeup i was wearing my glasses and i looked the mirror and i grabbed sissors and cut most of my hair off it was shoulder length i screamed some more then a walked into my bedroom slept for 3 days woke up called my therapist she came over i talked to her i felt a little better

im slowly getting better piece by piece im eating but something was missing my asstiant came over i gave her a million dollars for the year told her i was done for a while i spent the next week in bed sleeping and going to the bathroom

One month later
My life wasn't going anywhere I didn't want it to everything was the same over and over I got up went to the bathroom and slept all day long for a month and cried about him i ate some i talked to my therapist move but none of that helped i was trapped no where to go and nowhere to hide my hair grows fast so i cut more off i was flipping threw the channels and it was a worship channel for hillsong united and watched it

i packed up my bags sold my house in la and sold my car told scooter and thats it where i was going and i moved to a small apartment in new york city 5 minutes away from the hillsong united building

Friday i took a shower shaved my legs under arms and down there i put on (pic above) grabbed my bag my phone put my hood up and grabbed my key and put it in my bag zipped it up and walked out i walked to th hillsong building without getting noticed "hi nice to meet you im the pastor carl um have you been here before" he asked

"no ive never been here before" i told him "well welcome your justin biebers step sister noah right" he asked i was suprised he knew me "i am but hes the reason im here i been lonely and depressed for a long time beause we dated

and he cheated on me so i would like not to talk about him but nice to meet you" i explained "okay" he said he introduced me To his wife and kids he gave me a bible and i sat up front for the service then after it was done carls family prayed with me we all got in a circle "ready repeat after me" carl says i repeated everything

God, I recognize that I have not lived my life for You up until now. I have been living for myself and that is wrong. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I acknowledge the completed work of Your Son Jesus Christ in giving His life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the forgiveness you have made freely available

to me through this sacrifice. Come into my life now, Lord. Take up residence in my heart and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior. From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your hands. I ask this in Jesus' precious and holy name. Amen." I repeated those words and i hung out after for a while then i went back to my apartment with my hood up of course

Next morning i woke up felt better than yesterday i read a bible verse your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear

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