My Skin On You

telling my story

April 2015..

I was at the hillsong conference in la i still live by myself and happy and im here to talk about my story and what happened and justin just happened to be there i hung with him for a little whike before i had to go oh i was wearing (pic above) and the pastor was about to introduce me he walked out on stage

"Ladies and gentlemen today we have a very special incrediable young lady who is going to share her story with us from this point on there is no filming as to what is being said please welcome Noah woods" he introduced me i walked out on stage with a mic they clapped i sat down on the stool "
i was a 17 year old who had everything  i had the world in my hands i was a super star living my dream everything i could ever want but no one knew what i went through behind the cameras behind the lights i was someone different i started being a model so that i could help others and donate to charity i became a singer because my  stepbrother released my intimate songs i had written about him i read

what the people said to me i let others define me i became bulimic it went from starving myself completely to eating but feeling guilty then throwing it back up i was broken inside my fans saw my struggle my family saw it but no one did anything until it was to late i went away for a long time started dating the guy i thought i was gonna marry  i got better then somthing else happened once again to the outside world i had everything i had the guy of my dreams until i caught him cheating on me so

  i went on tour tried to forget everything that happened but i couldnt i was depressed, alone, and scared,weak broken and tired i had anxiety i was high most of the time there were days where i didnt want to get out of bed i would get headaches and fevers i was comepletely broken and i kept it all together so i would never let anyone down but so much together that i let myself down i wanted i was exhausted i had major fatigue i felt like what happen was my fault like it was something i said or did

like why did he do this i ate some but not alot and i was just done i stopped smoking weed i canceled my tour but i was still broken a one day i was in my house by myself i was in the kitchen and i couldnt open a bottle of water so i chucked it at the wall and broke down in tears and screamed i screamed at justin who wasnt even there

"look what you did to me is this what you wanted why did you cheat on me did i do something wrong" i screamed but first i screamed at god "Are you real, are you even there how could you do this to me i hate you" i screamed as i broke down in tears i felt like it was my felt i

walked into the bathroom looked the mirror i grabbed sissors and cut most of my hair off it was shoulder length i screamed some more then i walked into my bedroom slept for 3 days woke up called my therapist she came over i talked to her i felt a little better but something didnt feel right, but i didnt know what to do i was in

my room one day and i saw this thing for hillsong on tv so i sold my house sold my car packed my bags and moved to new york and i lived in an apartment by myself  it was walking distance away from hillsong and i went there without giving noticed it was the first time i felt normal i walked in and carl lentz