Fated

Chapter 12

The movie never failed me.

Sa isang mall sa Manila kami nanuod ni Dennis. Kahit sobrang layo, di na ko nakatanggi. Salamat naman sa kanya dahil napanuod ko ang isa sa mga gusto kong panuorin.

After that, we ate at his preferred resto. Nagkamustahan lang kami at nalaman kong sa isang university sa Manila pala siya nakapasok and currently taking, HRM.

"Kelan ka pa nagwork?" tanong niya habang kumakain.

"6 months na ko ngayon. MAY ako nagstart."

"Hehe. Ang galing mo naman. Sorry nga pala di kita nabati nung birthday mo. Gift ko na 'to sayo ha? 'Wag ka nang magbayad!" he assured me while smiling at me.

"Hala! Teka wala sa usapan yan ah." pagpoprotesta ko.

"Teka, ayaw mo pa?"

"Ah, hinde naman. Joke lang! Syempre gusto! Kaya lang nakakahiya."

"Ahaha. No problem. Basta ikaw." sabay kindat.

"Papa-cute pa..." bulong ko.

"Anu yon?"

"Ah, wala. Sabi ko ubusin mo na yan. Lakad tayo dun sa park."

"Aaahh. Sure!"

Masyadong formal ang usapan namin ni Dennis. I don't know why we are like this but I have this feeling na ayokong maging open sa kanya. Di naman sa wala akong trust, pero mas nangingibabaw ang hiya ko.

The truth with me and my family. Maayos akong manamit at kumilos sa harap ng ibang tao. Pero ang totoo niyan, mukha lang akong social climber.

The reason is that now, I'm the breadwinner of the family. Yung mga kapatid ko, tumira muna kina Mami dahil di na kaya ng budget namin pati ang pagpapa-aral sa kanila.

Lumipat din kami ng bahay sa kakilala ni Papa na may murang renta. Maliit lang yon at halos punagsiksik lahat ng gamit namin sa sobrang sikip. Nawalan na rin kasi ng trabaho si mama.

I'm really having double-thoughts of enrolling or not. Baka di ko na kasi kayanin. Kailangan ko ng perang pambayad ng tubig, ilaw at renta. I'm really broke right now. Halos lahat ng salary ko, inaabot ko kay mama.

If you were in my place, would you consider telling him that kind of situation? Alam ko namang dito ko malalaman kung mahal nya ko talaga, pero di ko magawa. Hiyang hiya ako.

We were walking at the park. Medyo madilim na but because of the moon and the street lights, we manage our way in that field. Naglakad-lakad lang kami sa garden.

"Dennis, I'll have to tell you something." I said breaking the silence whkle staring at the stars.

"Anu yon?" naramdaman kong tumingin siya sakin.

"May sakit ako." I look at him. Di ko makita ang reaksyon niya dahil sa dilim but he was silent. Nagpatuloy lang ako. "May butas ako sa puso. Sabi ng doktor, di naman siya malala. No medication unless it is needed to be operated."

"Are you alright?" tanong niya, wala ng masayang tono sa boses niya. May halong lungkot, concern and most of all, pity.

"Yup, I'm totally fine-"

"Ba't kailangan mo pang magtrabaho? Pano kung may mangyari sa'yo? Natutulog ka pa ba? Nakakapag-aral ka ba ng maayos?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong habang natataranta.

"Kailangan ko 'to. Gusto kong makatulong sa parents ko kahit man lang sa tuition." It's not a lie. Pero di ko pa rin kayang sabihin ang totoong sitwasyon ko sa kanya.

"Kaya mo pa ba?" tanong niya. Concern na concern siya and I'm thankful for that. But I sense the pity in his voice. I don't want him to do that.

"Yes." I said it while holding his shoulder. "I may look fragile but I'm stronger inside. Alam mo ba yon, Dennis?"

"Yes..." mahina niyang sagot.

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Biglang tumulo ang luha ko pero pinunasan ko yon agad. "Thank you for everything. Pasensya ka na ha. Pinaasa kita. But I don't have time for any of this. I'm really sorry."

He just hugged me back. Mas mahigpit. I feel so warm and secure in his arms. Pero I have already decided to take care of my life. When the time comes, if he's still there, I would welcome him with all my heart.

Di ko maitatanggi na may feelings ako kay Dennis, pero I'm not so sure if it's love. Kailangan ko munang unahin ang priorities ko.Ayoko rin ng may tinatago sa kanya but I don't have the strength to tell him everything.

We walked silently until we are on the jeepney to get home. I was too tired and close my eyes for a bit.

Naramdaman kong sinandal niya ang ulo ko sa balikat niya, and the most touching part was when he held my hand. His hands was too soft for a girl. Aaminin ko, talo pa niya ako. It's so tight that I felt its warmth. I kept it like this and continued half asleep on his shoulder.

Just this time, we were a couple.

---

Several months passed and I decided to stop midway of our second semester. I told everyone it's about my medical condition.

It's partial lie.

The real reason was I want to take my job full-time. Kailangan kong kumita ng malaki.

Kinausap ko naman sina mama, malungkot sila at may halong dismaya pero sabi ko I'll go back when everything is back to normal.

Di nagsalita si Papa. Di rin namin pinaalam sa mga kamag-anak namin.

Ako lang ang nahinto. I decided all of this by myself. Kung may pagsisisihan man ako, sakin na lang yon.

---

"Kung mahal ka niya, matatanggap niya lahat ng flaws and weaknesses mo.

But there are situations that will keep you on having second thoughts.

Why?

It's because you lack the trust to that person. Aminin mo man o hinde, kahit mahal mo pa siya o mahal ka niya, kung wala kang trust na tatanggapin niya lahat ng sasabihin mo, you will never know the answer of what he will do and you will keep on wondering what he'll do if you said it in the first place."

-CHAPTER 12/end-