Look Away, Ignore the Pain

Chapter 13: Squeaky, Yorkshire, Curly, Leprechaun, and Daddy Direction

~Kaitlynn’s Point of View~

“I know, but what was I going to do?” I heard Niall outside the bathroom talking to someone. I waited for the other person’s response, but it never came, so I assumed he was chatting on his mobile or something. He sounded desperate. I’ve never heard him like that before. “Please, it’s just for one week and she’ll be off to school by the time of our London concert… look, I know. I feel bad enough for all those years, no need to add onto that.” There was a long pause after that and I was about to get out, but then I heard Niall sigh and mumble “thank you”, so I waited one more minute. When it was completely quiet, I got out of the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I had my grey training trousers, an oversized The Script hoodie, and my hair was tied in a loose ponytail. He patted the seat next to him on the couch, so I sat down the farthest away from him on the edge of the couch. I pulled my sleeves to my fingers so that it covered my palms all the way to half of my fingers’ length. I always did that after I cut or when I was around people and I was uncomfortable or something. Now, I had both reasons. He sighed and scooted towards me and before I could even notice what was going on around me, his arms were wrapping my shaky body tightly and his chin rested on top of my temple.

“Niall…” I mumbled, but only ended up coughing my arse off.

“I’ll get you some tea. It always helps me when I lose my voice.” He said with a slight smile. I didn’t really respond and within about 5 minutes, there was a steaming cup of tea in my hands. I was cold, so I wrapped my sleeve-covered hands around the cup for warmth.

“Thanks.” I mumbled shyly. Niall beamed happily and I gave him a confused look.

“You didn’t stutter.” He said with obvious happiness to his voice. I dropped my head in shame and stared at my tea. I’m sorry. I thought to myself as pictures of Niall laughing at me with his mates about my stutter popped into my head. “Why are you sorry? Kay, it’s brilliant! I’m really proud of you.” Did I seriously say that out loud? I asked myself in my head. Niall laughed and nodded. My cheeks burnt in embarrassment and I dropped my eyes to my fidgeting fingers. Nevertheless, Niall was… proud? Of… Me? I sipped on the rest of my tea quietly, letting it warm my throat.

“Thanks.” I said softly and placed it on the coffee table near his cup of tea. My voice was clearer now, but my throat still hurt a bit. I wasn’t planning on talking when the next term begins, so I thought that I would only talk when I absolutely have to and just stop when I get back to the Academy.

“How long have you gone without talking?” Niall asked me worriedly after taking a seat next to me on the couch and wrapping his arm over my shoulder. I cuddled with Tom like that before, but with Niall it was different. I don’t know how to explain it.

“Since the day I came to London.” I replied as quiet as possible, but he heard me. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened in terror. “It’s not that big of a deal. Really.” I mumbled to myself.

“Why would you ever…?” he asked, leaving the question vague, but still known.

“So I won’t be… uh… never mind.” I couldn’t tell him. I just couldn’t. Niall cocked an eyebrow at me in disbelief, so I gave him a shy smile to cancel his concerns, but he didn’t drop the matter.

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me, but don’t you ever, ever listen to people like Hannah. I know, I’ve told you these things since… since… forever, but don’t you ever listen to them. You’re better than that, Kay. You’re so much better than what I’ve led you to believe. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Kaitlynn. I’m so sorry…” he kept whispering to my neck as he rocked us both back and forth on the couch. Eventually, I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. No pills tonight. I have Niall with me, even if it will change and even if he was a dick for almost 17 years. I know he’s my brother now.