Look Away, Ignore the Pain

Chapter 34: No. Wait, Yes. Goodbye.

~Kaitlynn’s Point of View~

I fluttered my eyes slowly, only to find myself in my bed and covered in the warm and thick duvet. I know I fell asleep on the couch. How in the world did I get here?

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Ash greeted me with a sprightly smile as he was sitting on the chair in the corner. That chair… so tempting…

“What are you doing here? What time is it? How did I get here? Have you been here the entire time? How long have I been asleep? Why’d you let me fall asleep?” the questions peered out of my mouth faster than I could think of them.

“Hey, one question at a time. Everything’s fine.” He chuckled to himself in amusement of my stupidity. “I brought you here once you fell asleep, because I wanted you to sleep comfortably. You didn’t sleep for that long, maybe an hour and a half.” He shrugged simply, but also had a hint of something else to it. Maybe it was worry or sadness. I don’t know.

“You let me sleep for that long?!” I nearly shouted.

“You could really use it and I’m only sad that you didn’t sleep for longer.” He explained calmly.

“I can’t sleep for longer…” I mumbled, hoping he would get the hint of me needing the pills for a proper sleep.

“Perhaps not now, but once you get this little addiction behind you, you’d be able to sleep normally. Besides, I’ll be with you the whole time. Just like now.”

“You stayed the whole time?!” I, again, freaked out.

“I would have stayed for longer if I had to. Kathy, I really have to ask you something…” Ash said with a strained sigh and voice hitched in nervousness I knew well to reckon. “Promise you’d let me finish and not change the subject?” I nodded, but he wasn’t satisfied.

“I promise.” I said.

“Kathy, I really wanted to ask you something… well… I know you’ve been hurt once by that ass and his mates and I know you don’t trust really anyone and you -”

“For God’s sake, Ash, speak!” I laughed at his tangled rambles, but in his beautiful hazel eyes there was no happiness or laughter. He was focused and nervous.

“Would you please go out with me?” he sighed in deep concentration. My heart sank along with my bashful head. How could he ever ask me out? Why would he ever fancy me? It’s not that I don’t fancy him, because I do. I think. I just can’t fall in love again. Not with Ash. He deserves someone stable, beautiful, smart, funny, better. I would drag him down to hell with my helpless soul. I would make him hurt. I’m not good enough for Ashton Irwin. I’m sorry, Ash, but you don’t fancy me really. You only think that you do, but you don’t. Not really.

“Ash…” I sighed, readying myself to turn down the one lad I want to call mine. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Is it because of that dick? Because I swear to God, I will kill that douchebag if he ever touches you again!” he burst out into a fit of anger. I sighed again. You’re making this really hard for me, lad. Very hard.

“I can’t… I won’t… Ash, I don’t want to hurt again. I am not good for you. You need someone stable and smart and beautiful and funny and… Ash, you don’t fancy me. You only think you do for whatever barmy reason.” I explained with tears in my eyes. I know you don’t fancy me like you say you do, but I fancy you, Ash. I really fancy you…

“Kathy, you are beautiful and funny and smart and perfect for me. Why are you so guarded? Why are you so afraid of everything and everyone? Don’t you believe me when I promise I would never hurt you?” He stood up from the chair and sat at the edge of the bed, very close to my self-embraced body. “Why don’t you want to give me a chance?” he whispered in defeat.