Look Away, Ignore the Pain

Chapter 25: Welcome to the Black Parade

~Niall’s Point of View~

“So what do you think her whole paranoia was about?” Ash asked once in the living room on the couch.

“Don’t know.” I replied dryly and uninterestedly. I know I might be acting harshly and that after today’s events she doesn’t deserve my anger, but she lied to me. A few times. She lied and didn’t even flinch. And the way she acted? It was like she was hiding something to the point of utter paranoia.

“Look, you have a right to be mad at her, I guess, but she really did have a rough night. I don’t know…” Ash mumbled the last part to himself. That’s when I knew to recognise his expression…

“God damn it…” I mumbled, making him turn his head over to me in question. “You fancy Katy, don’t you?” I asked softly and I thought I smiled at him, but I didn’t. You know when you think you have a certain expression but then you realise your expression is just blunt? Well… that’s me right now.

“She uh… I don’t… uh…” he stumbled across his own words without the ability to choose the right ones.

“Save it.” I said impatiently. “I’m going to bed.” And with that, I just went to my room and closed the door behind me without even looking when I passed by Kaitlynn’s room.

~Michael’s Point of View~

I pretended to be asleep on the big couch when Niall and Ash came into the living room. Well, actually, I was half asleep but they kind of woke me up when they started to talk about Kaitlynn. I was going to tell them that I can hear them, but they sounded so serious that I didn’t want to interrupt anything. Eventually, Niall left to go to sleep and Ash just sighed deeply.

“I guess I do…” he whispered to himself. I waited another moment until I heard the muffled sound of music, probably from Ash’s headphones, to go to the bathroom.

“Failure! I’m such a failure! God damn it…” I hear Kaitlynn scold herself behind her half-closed door. I didn’t enter her room or knock or even let her know I was listening, but I was and what I heard was heart-breaking: “I should just kill myself. No one would miss me.” That’s when I barged into her room, only to find her holding a white pills bottle with shaky hands. Her hands… they’re… they’re all bloodied up. I dropped my gaze from her wrists to the floor she was kneeling on and saw the blood-drenched rusty razor in a small puddle on thick red liquid. She had her back to me and I guess with all of her monologues and ecstasy, she didn’t notice me in the room. I was struck frozen without the ability to do anything about anything that’s going on in here, and just watched her next moves; I watched her struggled with the sealed bottle, cry in frustration at her failed attempts, throw the bottle to the side (to my feet, actually), and pick up the razor again. I silently shut the door behind me, still not making her notice me, and walked over to her softly. Her folded up sleeves revealed dozens of fresh cuts in different depths and pressures and lengths. Her hand was shaking wildly as she brought it to her completely red left wrist, but couldn’t focus it on a set spot, so she used the tip to make the first press on her skin. I couldn’t let her keep at it, so I lunged at her hands and took the razor away from her.

“Don’t you fucking dare do it!” I screamed at her. She stared at me like a terrified doe in the headlights of a truck. I stared deep into her terrified icy blue eyes as they shifted around quickly from her obvious dizziness, and she let out a whimper from the pain as if she just realised her wrists were cut and bloody.

“P-p-please… g-go away!” she cried out, gripping tightly onto her wrist, hissing in immense pain, but not letting go of it. It was painful to see the smiling girl I know from all the Skype calls like that. No, it’s painful knowing our first fan hurts herself. Why does she do it? Her life seems perfect… I decided to try a different approach than just yelling at her and scaring the living shit out of her.