Look Away, Ignore the Pain

Chapter 33: Worst Fears

~Kaitlynn's Point of View~

"Hey there, freak!" Hannah greeted me with a venomous grin. "Let me see your arms." I didn't move a muscle, so she took the liberty to check for herself and seeing that I was massively weaker than her, I couldn't fight her away from me.

"Can't even cut right!" Anna mocked, appearing in front of me out of nowhere. I had just noticed my arm were dripping blood and were pressed tightly under Hannah's painfully digging fingers.

"Fatty, I think you need another lesson to be learnt on how to die properly." Hannah sneered at me. Just like Anna, a razor blade appeared out of nowhere in Hannah's other hand. It was new, unlike my rusty one. It was sharp. She swiftly slid it from a little bit below my elbow to the end of my wrist, causing a massive ditch in my already bleeding skin.

"No, stop! I don't want to die!" I begged them with my voice hitched and forced.

"Sure you do! You have nothing to live for!" Anna laughed in my face and "took care of my other arm".

"I should've finished the job!" Thomas spat in my face, cocking a silver gun right in front of my eyes.

"Please!" I begged once more, but it helped with nothing.

"She's always so needy!" Niall joked with his two mates. Why am I at my old school? Why am I 14 again? Why is Tom here? What the hell is going on? Just when I thought things weren't going any worse, Sophie came and snogged, fully snogged, with Tom, who still had his cocked gun at me.

"Please leave me alone!" I cried out with a tight throat.

"You want to die yet?" Hannah laughed, completely mental, in my face. "Look all around you; Niall hates you, we hate you, Tom and Sophie are much better off without you, and your parents? They don't give a bloody shite for you." I looked at my own mother and father, but as soon as our gazes met, they looked away like I wasn't even there.

"Just die. Let go." Anna whispered in my ear.

"I want to die..." I mumbled. Just as I said that, a rope was brought from my room in London's ceiling. Everyone vanished and my arms were clean. Even the scars were gone. It almost seemed like a beautiful dream, but the rope quickly touched my shaky fingers and as soon as it did I hurried to slip my neck in the rough noose. It soon tightened and lifted me up so that my feet barely touched the chair I was standing on. Then, with one kick of the chair, it all stopped.

I woke up gagging, gasping for air, with sweat dripping cold from my brow. Tears ran down my face as I felt around my strangled neck, finding no trace of ropes. I looked around the dark room terrified for the dream I experienced, but I couldn't see anything for the darkness except intimidating shadows. Desperate and frustrated, I sank back in my pillow for another attempt of falling asleep.

This is useless. I thought after many efforts of changing positions and trying to hum nursery rhymes till I fall asleep. Wait! The pills! I have pills! I thought in relief as I jerked myself out of bed and ran to my wardrobe to fetch the miraculous haven I was longing for. It wasn't there. I started to turn every clothe article and throw anything in my way of sight away, but I still couldn't find the pills. Maybe I could ring Will and ask him for a quick emergency stock? I hurried to fetch the new mobile on the floor, but as I looked through the contacts list I couldn't find Will's name.

"No, this is not happening! Please don't let this happen!" I begged to no one in particular. In heavy desperation after a long hour of useless search, I sighed and sank to the floor with pitiful sobs and tears. "I need them. I really need them..." I cried to my hands.

"No, you don't." Ashton's serious voice scared me as I didn't even hear him come in to my room.

"Ash, I –"