Look Away, Ignore the Pain

Chapter 5: A New Start

~Kaitlynn’s Point of View~

I’m not even mad at Niall anymore. I wouldn’t want my name to be out there and have people know me, anyways. So why should I be mad at him for saving my name from the press? The lads of the band are gaining more and more fame by the minute and as the focus shifts to them, I don’t want to be part of it. I can’t even deal with a single stranger talking to me, so how would I ever be able to deal with millions all over the world, trying to talk to me and ask questions to get the dirt from Niall’s family?

Anyways, today is the day of the X-Factor’s finals and One Direction is competing against some other two groups or whatever. Honestly, I don’t give a damn is they win or lose, because they’re already so famous that Niall’s not going to be able to live here anyways. Plus, he’s 17 already so he probably wants to move out. Clearly, he's not coming back to school, so it won't matter.

It wasn’t a school day today, so I was happy not to hear any of the girls screaming around about Niall, or Hannah bitching about this and that whilst pushing me around and swearing at my face. I mean, I get the point: no one wants me to live, everyone hates me because I am a fucked up failure, I’m a stutter, I can’t even look at people’s eyes, my parents hate me, Greg doesn’t even ring me anymore… life is going great! Note the sarcasm…

Oh by the way, I thought I should tell you, meanwhile, I kept at my cutting and I even found new ways of cutting. For example; if you want the actual results of blood, cut fast and only with the tip of the blade. If you just want the pain, which is what I usually look for, cut with the entire blade and slowly drag it across some large area of skin. Anyways, that’s what has been going on with me for the past few weeks until now. None of the cuts I made has actually left an obvious scar, which was great.

“Katy!” Dad called from downstairs. “It’s on now!” I sighed and left my room to go down to the living room.

“Do I have to watch it?” I whined. “He’ll come back in a week if he wins or loses.”

“Katy… are you still mad at him for the other time?” Dad sighed. I shook my head with a small smile to cancel his thoughts.

“No, I’m sure he just did it to protect my privacy.” I lied easily, but still had a shaky voice.

“You know, Niall’s coming next week with his mates.” Dad said simply and clicked on the remote to turn the telly on.

“It’s Mum’s weekend.” I replied casually, but still felt absolutely great of my little escape.

“You know, he is coming to see your mam, as well.” And my slight smile was gone.

“When?” I asked simply. If he’s coming during the week, then I can avoid him, but if he’s coming during the weekend, then I have to find a way to avoid him. He’ll probably want to visit Nan and Nana and everywhere else.

“Look, if you want to stay here this weekend, stay. But don’t ruin the week he’s here.” Well, that just confirmed that Niall was coming to Mum’s during the weekend. “It’s starting. If you want to go outside and play football or whatever, go.” Was Dad actually mad at me?

“Let me know if they won.” I said as simply as I could and went towards the front door where my trainers were. I slipped on my tattered black Converse and grabbed a black jumper. After closing the door behind me, I decided to just plug my music in and listened to some Script songs, The Fray, Fall Out Boy, Nirvana, and The Eagles. I know, you wouldn’t expect me to like rock and metal, but I do. I don’t usually like pop music unless I can actually relate to the lyrics, but I don’t listen to too much pop so I wouldn’t know if I can or not relate to them.