Friday. It was Friday. Thank fuck. School was so boring. Especially without Ethan being around. It was the last lesson of the day. And I was keen to go home and do nothing all weekend. This was my life right now. It was so boring and dull without him in it. I missed him. I missed him so much and I've been trying to tell myself that I didn't. But I did. I missed his groaning, I missed listening to music with him, I missed binge watching movies and series. I miss it all. The bell rung causing me to snap back to this shit hole. I made my way home and went to my room. Something caught my eye on my dresser. It was a box and I open it slowly.
"Your dad told me that you had broken your other one." I hear behind me.
"You shouldn't be here."
"I realised that you didn't get your book back. And I also realised that some dick head from a few months ago destroyed your English notes."
I turn and look in the box. It had a new record player, the records I had snapped and two books. I pick them both up. My English book with my poems and another book that I was unfamiliar with. I open it and I see a whole lot of notes. But it wasn't my writing.
"How did you-"
"I asked for the notes from Mr Smith and copied it out onto a book." Ethan said. "It took me hours."
"I don't want any of it." I say putting it back into the box.
"Please just listen to me-"
"Do you have any idea what I've been through the last couple months?"
Ethan nodded staring at the ground.
"Pushed around, I got my notes ruined, my poems, I got the shit beaten out of me. Do you understand how much impact that had on me? It messed me up so bad, I'm scared to do anything. I'm scared to go to school, to go out in public. I'm terrified."
"I know-"
"And I'm moving schools." I say. "My dad and I think it's good idea to move to another school. A school where you're not at and your twin brother."
"Just listen-"
"I don't want to listen, Ethan. I don't need to."
Ethan grabbed me by the hips. "Listen to me."
"I fucked up." He said. "I know I did. I fucked up so bad and I know I probably can't make it up to you this time. But I just need you to know... Megan doesn't mean anything to me. You think I kept coming over because I loved tutoring? No, I fucking hated it. I hated every second, but because I was with you I started to love it. I wanted any excuse to be able to spend another moment with you. And the reason why I kept sleeping with her was because I wasn't sure how you felt about me, I thought you looked at me like some trouble, stupid, idiot in English"
"Ethan-"
"And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I'm sorry for wasting your time with tutoring, I'm sorry being such a prick, I'm sorry for having sex with Megan when I was hanging out with you. But the night I kissed you, everything had changed." Ethan stared. "Everything. I mean everything. Including myself. For a second I didn't feel like that guy who pushed around everyone, or the fuck up. I felt alive and loved."
I stared at him with tears in my eyes.
"You make me feel like I'm worth something. More than just a kid who has a good arm in football or who's viscous on a stupid field. You made me believe that I can do things, I can pass English, I can do more than throw a stupid ball and tackle idiots to the ground. And I promise you, if you give me another chance, I will never let anyone hurt you again. And I fucking mean it." He breathed. "I like you. I like you a whole lot. And I've never actually liked somebody before, and ill admit. It scared me. I didn't like letting people in, because that gives them the chance to hurt you."
"I would never hurt you Ethan." I whisper. "I'm not like the others. I'm not like them. I like you for you and I thought that there was good in you."
"There is." He begged. "I promise you there is. And you brought it out in me. I'm not this monster, I'm not a fuck up. You taught me that, you taught me how to love, you taught me how to be kind. You changed me so much and I liked being this person."
He stood there with restless eyes. They were cold and sad. And his clothes were sloppy. His hair was a mess.
"I will spend every waking moment making it up to you." He whispered. "All I ask for is one more chance."
"How do I know if I can trust you, Ethan?"
Ethan shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slowly. "I don't know Kendall. I don't know."
He said my name. He never said my name. It was either Seppo or Stone to him. And I couldn't help but the stupid smile that had formed onto my lips.
"I missed you." I cried.
Ethan shook his head. "I missed you more."
He crashed his lips onto mine and brought me in close. He held me. And I held him. Who would have thought. That this was the guy I wanted to be with every single waking moment.
YOU ARE READING
Toxic. (Ethan Dolan.)
Fanfiction"Where do you think you're going?" He growled gripping onto my hand. "You don't own me!" "I didn't say you could leave." He spat.
