Toxic. (Ethan Dolan.)

Part 49 - I Can't Forget You

One more week of school. Which meant not long until i was leaving to college. When my mom found out that Ethan and i weren't together she kept apologizing. She didn't know so it was fine to me. But i always see Ethan down the hall. He has been really quiet lately. It's weird thinking back to when him and i hate each other and he was a loud douche.

I was at home packing small things that i'll be taking and also putting things away that will go into storage. Then I come across my record player. I run my fingers over it as I remember the times of Ethan being here. I put on The 1975, A Change of Heart. I sit on the carpet where the sun was hitting and I sit there as I listen. I remember the way Ethan held me the day we danced right where I was sitting. I remember all the times of him getting angry and throwing things around, I remember him walking through my balcony door. I remember it all. I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt the tears escape my eyes as I wish for it all to come back.

-

I had spent hours on the ground crying and listening to music that Ethan and I always listened to together. It was sad, but part of me felt like I needed it. I was in bed, the lights were out, no music was playing. I was on my own listen to every inch of noise that was going on outside. But then I hear it. I hear the rattling outside my room. I hear the trees moving and then I hear the loud noise on the balcony. Then I hear the knock. The knock that I've been needing to hear for a long time. I get out of bed with my hands shaking in nervousness. I open the door. And I am faced with him. He has his hoodie over his head, his eyes were dark and tired. He held a box in his hands

"I-I know what I said the other day was harsh." He stated with a frown while looking toward the ground. "And I know I shouldn't be here because you are going to college soon."

I nod and I stare at him. Taking in his face like it was the first time I was ever meeting him.

"But I brought you a few things to take, to remember me and I guess this shit hole."

He handed me the box. I stare at it and I put it on the ground as I shake my head.

"Ethan... How do you think that I could forget you?"

He shrugged his shoulders as he placed his hands in his pockets. "You're the girl that has it all together." Ethan muttered. "I'm not good enough to be with you, although I wish I was. I just can't be."

"When you asked me to be your girlfriend the first thing you asked was if I could put up with your attitude." I state. "I did. I loved it. There were times where I couldn't but I started to fall in love with it."

"There's no point in fighting through this Ken. You're going, I have no idea where I'm going. You're going to live the greatest life." He smiled. "You're going to do better without me in it."

My tears hit the floor. "Let's have no idea together." I cry. "I don't want to have this good life if you're not in it."

"You can't throw it all away because of me, Kendall."

"I can-"

"You can't and I won't let you." He said with a frown. "I'm not going to let you throw it all away because of some kid who can't keep his life together." He says with a tear rolling down his cheek. "Just remember me, Kendall." He smiled. "Remember us. Remember the good times and not the bad."

"I don't want to go if you're not coming!" I sob.

He shook his head and brought me into his arms. He rested his chin on the top of my head as I cry into his chest. He let go slowly, giving me one last kiss before he climbed down the tree. I stood on the balcony crying as I watch him get into his car. He sped off down the road.

I pick up the box with tears still rolling from my eyes. I open it and I'm faced a whole lot of books of poetry and three records. I wasn't familiar with either of them. At the bottom of the box was a note. I pick it up as I lay down onto my bed. It was from Ethan, he was handwriting was messy and I loved it. It read;

I know you don't know these bands or the authors. But ever since I met you things started to become a lot more clearer in my head. I started to listen to more music and started to read a lot of poetry that I could relate to. But whenever I lost you, things went back to being dark and fuzzy. You turned me into a different person, Seppo. This person who can find deeper meaning in people, or bands, or even with poetry. I know who I am now. And that's all because of you. I know you'll do well in college, I know this because I won't be there distracting you and annoying you with my constant ranting about my sad, lonely life. Being with you caused me to realize a whole lot of things. High school doesn't last forever. You can't treat people like shit just because of what is happening in your personal life and most of all you taught me how to forgive and forget, and how to love again. I will never ever forget you, Seppo. You mean the world to me. Never forget where you come from and never forget what we had. Don't forget what that warm carpet feels like, don't forget the records and the good music we listened to. I will love you forever.

I bring the note closer to me as I sobbed. I held it to my chest, every word stabbing me in the heart. I won't ever forget. I won't forget something so fucking important.