Toxic. (Ethan Dolan.)

Part 8 - Who am I?

I was at my locker grabbing books and things out. And when I shut my locker I see Ethan.

"I can't study tonight." He says.

"Okay, that's fine." I reply putting my bag on my shoulders.

"But uh-here." He handed me a piece of paper.

"What's this?" I ask.

"This stupid song that I found last night. Your dumb poem sounded kind of familiar. So I found this song that kind of goes with your poem. It's only the lyrics, but the song is called Invisible."

I nod. "Thanks... I think."

"Ethan what are you doing?" Grayson asked pushing him into the locker.

"Just telling weirdo that I couldn't make studying tonight."

Grayson laughed and looked me up and down. "Why are you still here? Go."

I walk away, taking a deep breath as I was clenching onto my books. It was lunchtime and I made my way to the cafeteria. I bring my phone out and my earphones. I open up the piece of paper that Ethan had given me. I looked up the lyrics and found the song and the band who sings it. I put my earphones in and I listen to the lyrics.

"Another day of painted walls and football on the TV no one sees me. I fade away lost inside a memory of someone's life it wasn't mine." The song sung.

"I was already missing before the night I left. Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets. Who am I? Who am I?When I don't know myself. Who am I? Who am I?Invisible."

The song played as I sat there silently listening to the lyrics. Emotionally relating to every single word. I look at Ethan from the other side of the cafeteria and he was looking at me. I look back down at my phone and I turn the song off. And I ate my lunch. Trying to hide every emotion that was shooting right through my body.

Who am I? Who am I?

I don't fucking know.

-

We sat in English and Ethan came in late as usual. Ethan was quiet today. He sat in his chair and his arm wasn't around Megan. He sat there fiddling with his thumbs. And that was all he did through the whole entire lesson.

"Before the lesson ends, I need to talk to Ethan and Kendall."

I nod and Ethan still had his head down. The bell went and I stayed seated a long with Ethan. Megan gave Ethan a kiss before she left.

"So how is the tutoring going?"

I wait for Ethan to answer but he just sat there not saying a thing.

"Um, it's going good. Ethan is starting to get the hang of it."

"That's good. Are you enjoying it?"

Ethan spat out a cold a chuckle. "Yes Mr Smith. I am enjoying hanging out with a fucking nobody for an hour three days a week."

I look out the window. There it is again. That fucking word. Nobody.

"Kendall has kindly been making time for you."

"I don't fucking want it! I have shit to do at home anyway."

"Ethan-"

"Get off my fucking back!" He yelled.

Ethan got up ripping the door open and slamming it shut. Mr Smith just sighed. I get up grabbed my bag not saying a single word to Mr Smith. I leave the classroom and when I reach the entrance of the school it was empty. Well not really. When I walk out I see Ethan kick a rubbish bin. I try not to laugh and I walk over. Which was a very bad idea.

"I-I listened to the song."

"I don't care." He says walking away from me.

"You don't have to be an asshole." I blurt.

Ethan stopped in his tracks. I take a deep breath as I try to calm myself down.

"The melody is really beautiful. Along with the lyrics."

He turned around and stared at me.

"I looked up the meaning of the song. The song portrays a suicide note." I say. "He feels alone and troubled. That's why he says; I can't escape, it's too late."

"I didn't say to go into depth with it."

"There is always something deeper within a song. Or with anybody for that matter."

He laughs coldly. "You think."

I shrug my shoulders. "Well, yeah."

Ethan rolls his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't need a freak keeping track of my emotions."

I sigh. "I'll take it as a no." I turn on my heel walking toward the exit of the school.

I feel his presence behind me and he caught up to my pace.

"I'll admit Kendall Stone. Your confidence is almost attractive."

"Thanks?"

"Well."

"Well what?"

"Let's go study." He demands.

I frown and he stared straight back at me with that stupid, smug look he always had on his face. I give in, nodding slowly as we both set off back to my house.

When we get home, I lead Ethan to kitchen.

"You hungry?" I ask.

He nodded and took a seat at the kitchen counter. I pull out a bag of chips and hand them to him. Ethan picks them up opening them and starts munching them back. I put my bag onto the counter and I pull my books out.

"Read me some more." Ethan says with a mouth full of chips.

"Read you some more what?"

"Poems."

I shake my head. Ethan nods ripping the book out of my hands.

"Do you have any good ones?"

I roll my eyes. He looks up at me and he flashes me a smile. A real one. Not a stupid smirk. It was real and I saw it in his eyes.