Bruises and Bitemarks

My freedom

I couldn't recall a single moment in my life when I was dying. When I actually considered, that my life might end here. I've never given up on the road, a long-long road that was ahead of me, or so I believed. 

I didn't want to die just yet. No matter how fucked up I got, how fucked up my life got, I wanted to live it, for the simple things like sunsets, sex, martinis, and kittens. This may seem like a joke to you, and maybe I was trying to be a little funny there, but my point is;

I wasn't willing to let go of my life. 

Okay, I would say I am proud of myself... I held on till I started to... actually vomit blood. I remember it really felt like my body was trying to get rid of my organs through my throat, in a really violent manner. I couldn't even breath at a point, because I couldn't stop coughing. 

The other thing that I will never forget, was Ramsey - As he stood there, watching me, studying me with a peaceful and calm expression. He didn't interrupt my throwing-up session, even when I screamed for him, and begged for the antidote, he always replied with the same thing.

"I need your full name, Amy" 

Nothing more, nothing less. His voice was strong, it was probably the only thing helping me to stay conscious. He didn't even flinch at the sight, and let me tell you, it was one hell of a sight.

I wonder how many times has he done that to someone. How many times has he watched someone suffer, waiting them to die, or tell him what he wanted to know? 

So I told him, my name. It didn't get through easily first...

"Amy Lan...Lance... ces... Cester." I coughed uncontrollably. I really did try my best to speak clearly, so I wouldn't need to repeat, but I couldn't. I just felt like my lungs are going to come out with the next spit of blood, my throat was burning, my mouth was filled with my own sour blood.

"Try that again darling. Not trying to be a dick, but I can't understand a word you say." his voice was gentle, so was his smile... While he didn't bother watching me die in front of him, rolling in my blood. 

A monster... That's what he is, a complete and fucked up, heartless monster. 

"Lancest...er" I believe it was understandable this time, but as soon as I managed to spit out my second name, I continued the unbearable vomiting. 

He flashed me a pleased smile, which a dad would show his daughter after she was a good girl, and made daddy proud. Not like I would know that from personal experience, but I swear I saw it in movies.

"Okay, so... I asked you to cooperate before the coughing state, but you didn't listen as usual... So it will be hard to swallow the antidote. I think maybe a vaccine would work better." He explained seriously. I guess he really thought I have time for a calm and slow discussion about that.

He made it sound like, it's my fault, what's happening. 

I looked up at him defeated...

"Please, save me." My voice was trembling, but I wasn't coughing anymore... Does it mean I will die now? A rush of panic and intense fear crushed me, making me shiver as I sat there in the dirt I've made. 

I didn't have any willpower to keep fighting anything... or anyone. I wanted to be saved... I didn't want to die. 

He lowered himself to me, helping me up into a sitting position. He didn't bother with all the mess I've made, he didn't seem disgusted, not a bit.