Maybe I'm Mesmerized

Chapter 6

My stomach drops when I see him. It's the middle of the night. Is this what he meant when he said "See you later". I hesitantly get out of bed, noticing that I'm still in my clothes from the previous day and I remember why I went to bed crying that night. I don't want to see him, he is confusing me with his actions and words. I am confusing myself with these strange feelings I feel because I know that it isn't love. It's been two days. I guess I'll just label this feeling as "attraction" and nothing more. Silly, foolish attraction.

"What are you doing?" I whisper, popping my head out of the window.

Paul scratches the back of his neck. "Could come out here for a second?" he asks.

I sigh and bring my head back inside. Before opening the door, I take a moment to myself, trying to figure out exactly what is about to happen but my mind is blank. I don't know what's going to happen. Paul said he wanted to kiss me yesterday... Maybe that's what's about to happen.

I turn the doorknob and take a step outside into the balmy night to see Paul standing there. He looks as if he is confused or curious when he sees me. "You weren't at dinner?" he asks.

"Correct." I reply shortly, not wanting to explain my absence.

"Why?" he sighs. He's probably annoyed that he has to always pry information out of me.

"I was just tired." I lie.

Paul isn't convinced. How does he manage to see right through me? "Tired? I think that's the oldest excuse in the book." he says, giving me a small smile.

"It's nothing," I change the topic, "why are you here?". Isn't this the obvious thing that we should be discussing, considering that most people don't show up in your room at midnight.

"Couldn't sleep." he says, fidgeting with his hand, "You know, I have someone stuck in my mind." he winks at me.

I know he's talking about me and it is making my heart melt that anyone would ever have me stuck on their mind. "Oh, why do you have them stuck on your mind, hmm?" I tease and feel embarrassed as soon as I say it. I'm not used to this sort of relationship that Paul and I have.

Paul smirks. "Well, it's difficult to stop thinking about somebody so pure and beautiful. They really have stolen my heart." he says, looking into my eyes.

I pause. I don't know what to say, but I'm half asleep and decide to just start being honest. I wish my fatigue didn't make me do stupid things like this. "Paul, I also can't stop thinking about you." I can feel my face going red as I say this. What am I doing?

Paul eyes lighten up as I say this. "Really?" he teases.

I can't believe he is making me confirm my feelings again. "Yes," I sigh, "but you have Jane."

He frowns, remembering that what he is doing right now is wrong. "Abigail, can I ask you a favour?" he says.

"Okay..." I answer, not sure where he is going with this.

"Just for tonight, can we forget that I have a girlfriend? Can we forget about everyone else and just be together?" he asks, not taking his eyes off of me.

I want to say yes. I really do, and I hate myself for this. "Paul, we can't just forget about the world. Imagine how Jane would feel if she finds out." I reason.

"No one has to know." he takes my hands, "Just you and I, Abby.". At this moment, I know that I am going to give in.

I don't want to say it, I just give him a nod and I can see the excitement grow on his face. I hate to admit that I can also feel this feeling inside. His hands go to my face and he pulls me in for a kiss. When our lips touch, I feel so much relief. All I've been thinking about since yesterday was kissing him and now it was happening.