Maybe I'm Mesmerized

Chapter 15

Abby's POV:

I wake up with a splitting headache and a dry mouth. Fragmented memories of last night creep into my head as I try and piece together what happened, but most of it seems a blur. The last thing that is clear was sitting on a bench with John and drinking. Alcohol, we were drinking alcohol, the thing that I told myself I would stay away from. I blink and realize that I am in Paul's room. Why do I always seem to wake up in Paul's room?

Then panic hits me. I don't remember what happened and I'm in Paul's room. That could suggest endless things and I don't trust my drunk self to make smart decisions. I sit up and my head spins as I look around for Paul only to find him asleep on the floor.

The room is bright with sunlight and this makes me assume that we have both slept through the breakfast bell. Wow, the maharishi would be disappointed in me. I'm disappointed in me.

Usually my instinct would be to sneak out Paul's room and head to my own but I have to ask him what happened last night and I also don't think that I can manage a trip to my room with such a headache.

"Paul?" I whisper and he turns in his sleep, slowly opening his eyes.

"Yeah?" he says sitting up.

"What happened?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

He sighs and joins me on the bed. "You got drunk last night with John. Then you came to my room and you were angry about me being engaged to Jane." he says sadly.

For some reason, this morning his engagement doesn't seem like that big a deal to me compared to how I must have felt about it last night. I trust Paul, right?

"Oh, what did I say?" I stutter, nervous of my behaviour.

"You shouted all sorts of stuff to me, said I lied to you, but you have to believe me that I was only doing that because I was scared that you wouldn't trust me if you knew the truth. You can trust me, you know? You also said that you did stuff with John. I don't know what stuff but I can imagine what you meant by that." he frowns and memories flood back.

I remember kissing John. I remember taking his face in my hands and kissing him. I didn't feel anything though. I was angry at Paul. All I wanted to do was hurt him at that moment and for some reason I thought kissing John would do that.

"I'm so sorry." I mumble before feeling a bout of nausea hitting me.

"You were drunk. You were overreacting." he says.

"I was." I reply.

"What did you do with John?" he asks and my heart beats fast at the thought of having to admit the horrible deed I have done.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I was drunk and angry and I thought that kissing him would somehow make things better. I don't know why. It was stupid." I explain hurriedly.

I can see hurt in his eyes at my betrayal and expect him to tell me to leave and end things right there. I would leave and he would go get married to Jane.

But this doesn't happen.

"It's okay. If you are willing to forgive me, then I can forgive you. You weren't thinking straight." he says and I feel my heart rate slow down.

"Are you sure?" I confirm, making sure that he doesn't want to walk out on me right now.

"It was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. And, do you want to know a secret?" he whispers and I nod. "I don't think that anything you could do would make me want to leave you." he reveals and we both smile at each other.

I throw my arms around him and pull him into a hug although my stomach churns at this swift movement and I think that I am definitely going to vomit.