Maybe I'm Mesmerized

Chapter 25

My head spins as we step off of the train. I am still tired even though I only slept for about an hour. Everything is so different from what I remember. I mean, it is the same place with the same old, historic buildings everywhere, but it has changed. There are more tourist shops now, more people walking through the streets.

"Give me that." Paul says, referring to the suitcase I am heaving along. He has put a big hat on to try and disguise himself from fans.

"No, you have to carry your own one!" I protest.

"I don't care! Let me carry yours for you. It looks way too heavy." He argues.

"Are you saying I am weak?" I state, pretending to be offended.

"Oh, would you just let me help you?!" he laughs.

I sigh and hand the bag to him. "There you go, always trying to be the night in shining armor."

Paul rolls his eyes with a chuckle and continues walking, satisfied that he is playing the part of the strong young man saving the damsel in distress. It is sweet of him though. I can see that he is struggling just a little with carrying the heavy load, but I know that if I pointed this out he would disagree and refuse to give up one of the bags.

As I walk - and Paul trudges - through the streets memories flood back. But I don't feel good. Instead I am filled with anxiety. I don't know why. Maybe this is all too overwhelming. Paul explains about the places we can visit and all the things we can do, but the weird thing is that I just want to get off the street and find a bed to

sleep on. There are so many people walking on either side of me. I should be used to this coming from New York, but I don't feel right. In fact, I am not even listening to what Paul is saying. The words fly straight over my head and I can't remember anything he has just said.

"Where are we staying?" I blurt out in my shaky voice.

Paul stops talking. I hadn't even realized that I was interrupting him when I spoke. "Oh, um, we are almost there. Just a few buildings down." He says.

I nod in response and look down at the floor, too scared to catch the eyes of strangers.

"Are you okay?" Paul asks after a moment of silence between us.

I nod again but realize that simply nodding in reply to him isn't going to make him think I am okay. "Yes." I add on.

We arrive at the hotel and Paul speaks to the man at the front desk to organize a room. I decide to go and sit on a bench outside for a smoke to try and get rid of my anxiety. I dig in my handbag for a cigarette. I don't have a lighter, but I spot a man a few steps away who is also smoking so I walk over to him.

"Excuse me, but could you give me a light?" I ask, holding the cigarette out.

The man smiles. "Sure," he says, taking out his lighter and lighting it, "what's your name?"

"Abby," I answer, "and yours?"

"Jim. Are you visiting Oxford?"

"Yes, but I used to live here."

"Oh, very nice. Well, let me say that you are very beautiful."

He is very nice but I forgot how many people were outside and I immediately want to escape back to the safety of Paul. 

"Thank you, I should get back inside now." I state politely.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Jim asks, taking my hand.

I am starting to feel very uncomfortable. "Yes." I say, "Look, I really must get back inside."

"Don't you want to come on a walk with me?" his grasp on my hand is still tight.