Maybe I'm Mesmerized

Chapter 8

Paul seems to be too absorbed in his music to notice me until I sit down in front of him. He stops playing and humming and looks up. When he sees that it is me, a smile spreads across his face. "Oh, hi." he says.

"We need to talk, Paul." I blurt out before even greeting him.

"Right." he says, knowing that it is definitely time to talk about this. I don't want emotions to get in the way of our conversation right now. This is serious.

"About last night..." I begin.

"I know what you're gonna say. You are going to tell me that it's wrong and we need to stay away from each other, but that's the thing Abigail. I can't stay away from you. I laid in bed for hours last night, telling myself not to sneak out to your cottage, but I found myself at a dead end. I don't know what it's about you. I mean, you are beautiful and sweet, but something is just different about you. Maybe we are just two souls that met in the right place at the right time, I don't know. All I know is that I really like you a lot and not just in a friend way. I know that you are going to say that Jane and I are together, but really I can't keep my eyes off of you. Things have been fading with Jane. I'm not sure why we are still together but my heart is taken by you right now and I will end things off with Jane if I have to." Paul says.

I pause, taken back by what he has just said. My heart is beating fast. Every time, his kind words do this to me. I want to tell him to end things off with Jane. I want to stop hiding from everyone, but I know that this is just my jealousy talking. "Paul, I have to admit, I really like you too, but I don't think I can do this any longer. I'm scared. John saw us last night, you know."

Paul's eyes widen. John obviously hasn't mentioned this to him. "John knows?" he asks and I nod.

"Yeah, and I don't trust him not to tell anyone. We need to end things off now." I say harshly.

Paul looks like a balloon that just deflated. His eyes are sad and anxious. His shoulders are slumped. "I will break up with Jane." he says, looking right into my eyes.

I frown, thinking of Jane. I may not know her well, but I would hate to be in her place and see my boyfriend leave me for some random girl that he met two days ago. I would just feel guilty if I stayed with Paul. "Do what you need to do, but I'm not sure I can do this." I say and walk straight to my cottage room, unable to look back

It's lunch time, but I don't have an appetite. After meditating this morning I felt good, but now I'm just a mess again.

I'm surprised by a knock on my door. I climb off my bed and walk towards the door, praying that it isn't Paul or John. Thankfully, it's not, but it is the maharishi.

"You skipped dinner yesterday and now lunch today. I told you when you got here that I didn't want people missing out on meals. They give us all a chance to be together and I do not appreciate your isolation. I'm not angry, but in the future, please try and come to meals unless absolutely necessary. I'll see you at the yoga class in ten minutes, okay?" he says.

I feel guilt run through my veins. All that the maharishi has done is guide me on a good path and I have just gone and disrespected his rules. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again." I apologize.

He smiles, nods and walks away.

After ten minutes of gathering myself together, I head to the yoga class. I don't even give a glance at Paul although my heart keeps trying to convince me to turn my head. I follow the instructions and perform the movements to my best ability and I'm rewarded with a relaxed feeling once the class is finished. Most people head back to their rooms while I decide to stay on the field and meditate.