Maybe I'm Mesmerized

Chapter 16

It's been another week and I am still at the retreat having not had the guts to leave and go out into the unknown to forget everything about Paul and I. I couldn't. Last week I had told Paul on that morning about what I was thinking, that I wanted to leave.

"What?" he had said with hurt in his eyes, sending guilt right through me. I didn't want to hurt anyone, that's exactly what I was trying to avoid.

"It's for the best, Paul. I'm just causing a disruption here." I explained to him.

Then Paul's eyes brightened up. "Can I show you something?" he said.

"Paul, I need to be going -"

"Please." he interrupted and I obediently sat down on the end of his bed.

He picked up his guitar that was leaning against the wall and sat down next to me, a nervous smile on his face and then began to sing as he strummed.

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to, I will

It instantly brought a smile to my face. It had a beautiful melody that I had never heard before. He must have written it.

For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

He couldn't meet my eyes in the next part, instead I remember him staring nervously down at his fingers as he played. It seemed as if he was hiding a blush, and of course that had made me blush.

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

The last verse that came after that was really what made me change my mind about leaving, for I had realized that it was about me.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know I will
I will

"Paul," I breathed, "that was lovely."

He looked up with a shy smile. "You see, I wrote it for you, Abby. I can't bear to watch you leave."

"Did you really write that about me?" I asked, touched.

He nodded and gave me a little speech about how he promised that we would stop ditching classes and take the maharishi more seriously.

How could I resist? In fact I almost immediately went and unpacked my suitcase.
Looking back at that I feel embarrassed that I was so easy to convince, but I don't regret staying. Paul stood by his word and things have been less crazy this week.

We have been attending all the classes and meals and things seem to be going slower, which I am grateful for.

John gives me smirks every time he sees me which is annoying, but fortunately he hasn't made anymore moves on me. Paul becomes irritated when John does this but I told him not to get upset about it and that it was no big deal. I didn't want to cause a fight and John would just love to make a comment about Paul's protective attitude.

In my spare time, Pattie, Maureen and I have been talking to one another, getting to know each other. We would sit in the field and make flower crowns and laugh. I managed to open up to them about some of my past and my family which was nice to talk about. I haven't told them everything though. Only Paul knows the whole truth. Maureen knows about Paul and I now so it's just Ringo who is still utterly confused by our displays of affection to one another.