Maybe I'm Mesmerized

Chapter 19

Paul's POV:

Sitting in my room and worrying about Abby and John on their walk, there is a knock at the door.

"Hello?" I call out, secretly hoping that Abby has decided to come back and ditch her plans with John, but instead Jane comes bursting through the door. My heart sinks and there is weight in the pit of my stomach.

"Paulie! I've missed you." she says, rushing straight towards me and throwing her arms around me. Guilt runs through me because quite honestly I haven't been missing her.

"Oh, hi." I say, pulling away as naturally as possible so that we are face to face.

"Is something wrong?" she asks, noticing the absence of excitement in me.

"Well..." I begin but she cuts me off.

"I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly. My dad isn't doing well, Paul. He's depressed and I just didn't know how to help him. I wanted to call, but time slipped away." she explains and I feel even more guilt. She has been with her sick father and I've been cheating on her, but I guess I can't really stop my heart from feeling.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Jane." I sympathize. How am I supposed to tell her that I want to break up? I promised Abby.

"Yeah," she mumbles sadly, "it's okay. I'm just glad to be back here with you." Her hands creep around my neck. I don't want to kiss her though. I don't want to hurt her either.

"Have you seen Pattie and George yet?" I ask, quickly slipping out of her grasp and walking towards the door.

"Oh, uh, no." she replies slowly, confused as to why I'm being distant probably

"Well let's go see them." I say, opening the door.

Jane rolls her eyes. "So you're playing hard to get today?" she smirks.

I fake a smile and turn to walk out of the room. I may not love her, but I've known her for years and I can't bear to break her heart when she's just got back from her dad. I'll tell her tonight, after dinner. Abby will understand, right?

We reach Pattie and George's cottage, Jane hanging onto my arm, and I see them sitting on their balcony talking. Pattie turns and I see the instantaneous look of surprise on her face before she changes it to a smile.

"Jane!" she calls and Jane rushes forward to give her a hug. Pattie looks at me over my shoulder mouthing the words "What are you doing?" with wide eyes.

"I don't know." I mouth back.

Jane proceeds to hug George and then returns to my side.

"How's your dad?" Pattie breaks the awkward silence.

"Oh, he's okay I guess." Jane shrugs. She lied to Pattie and yet she told me because she trusts me with that stuff. I feel even worse now.

We spend the rest of the afternoon at George and Pattie's cottage, talking while Jane keeps little distance between the two of us. Her arms wrapped around my arm, leaning on my shoulder. It's funny how this used to feel normal and now it feels alien to me. I want to look down and see Abby adoring me this much, but we have been restricting ourselves from most public displays of affection and she's shy about showing her emotions.

"Where's Abby?" George suddenly asks. My heart immediately beats faster at the sound of her name. I give a quick glare at George.

"I don't know." I shrug nonchalantly. Now is not the time.

George smirks. "Oh okay."

"It's getting dark." I say, "Maybe we should head to dinner."

And with that, we all head towards the dining hall. Jane sits next to me but I don't see any sign of Abby yet. That means she's still with John. She said she only has eyes for me though. I trust her.