Suicidal

Life

Lee Yoonji

*BEEP BEEP

I groaned while reaching my phone to turn it off.

Ugh... I really hate waking up early...

I laid my body for a few minutes.

I still like the morning sky because of its clear and neat canvas with a touch of white clouds.

But I still hate waking up early. And it's really cold today.

Its really nice laying down here and forgetting scho—

*BEEP BEEP

It's the snooze alarm.

Fine...

I sat up at stretched while yawning. I went to my closet to get my towel and pull out some clothes to wear.

Just a simple black ripped jeans and an oversized black sweater with a not a morning person print.

After the shower, I blow dried my hair and put some clothes.

I wear my black converse high and before going out, I snatched my dark grey hoodie and my black duffel bag behind the door.

I lived alone. My parents disagrees to the thought of me being independent, but I still do it. I didn't run away home, I just told them I'm old enough to lived alone. They disapproved but I told them I want to reached my dreams. Dreams that I don't know anymore. My dad still didn't get me, but my mom eventually understand. My mom helped me and from time to time I talked to her.

I lived on a single apartment. Bedroom with bathroom, kitchen, living room and balcony. It's an average one. My mom also helped me to find this. The rent is cheap but the interior is okay.

I went to the kitchen and to the small fridge and took out the fresh milk.

I'm out of stock, I guess I'll go get groceries later.

I grab an enveloped on the top of the fridge and get some bills. I placed it back. It's from my mom.

Don't get me wrong. I have a part time job every night in a bar on the city proper and sometimes do deliveries every weekend. Well, my mom insists to give me money for my necessities. I only used this if didn't get my salary on time. And this is only the second time I used her money. When I used it, I always think that I borrowed it. It means I also pay the money I borrowed and kept it again.

I grabbed my apartment keys to the counter and went out. The cold wind of the morning rushed through me. I hugged my dark grey hoodie tighter to my body.

I walked slowly to the bus station. I'll go to school today because I'll attend to my class.

Yep, that's right. I'm attending. Why? Because of the professor of my subject today.

I got on the bus and seat beside the window. I plugged my earphones and block the world around me.

The sky is clear blue today.

The sky never failed to mesmerized me.

After 15 mins, I'm in front of the campus now. I went to my locker. I stacked my bag and get some stuffs. I only bring my phone, earphones, notebook and a pen. Then I went to my class.

When I got on the class, I only saw a few people. I chose to sit behind and near the window. I placed my things under the table and fixed my hood. I plugged my earphones and rest my head to the table. I checked my phone.

💬1 Message Received
Mom: Yoonji-ah, are you okay? Please don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. I love you.

I sadly smiled as I remember her face.

If only I know what I want. I wouldn't feel guilty and —

My trail of thoughts got interrupted by the students who are entering the room. I checked the time and it's 7:30am.

I still have 30mins before the class starts. I'll just take a nap. Then I closed my eyes.

The day just started but I feel so tired already.