to walk away
to let go
is supposed to make my days brighter
make me feel more whole rather than
half or even empty
to do what happened
is supposed to begin some sort of
road to recovery
and i curse myself
for even still thinking about it
but i am me
and if you know me
you know i am not one
to simply let things pass
without contemplating them
to continue on
and to forget
is supposed to make me better
it's supposed to make things easier
and it takes time, i know that
but when i'm here
and the thought of what is for my own good
and what is needed,
what is necessary
doesn't even come close
to the thought of what i believe
what i feel
opinion over fact
i decide to bite the inside of my cheek
shake everything out of my head
and decide not to open this case back up
because i fight with myself
i guess this is for my own good
when everyone knows
i am not one
to care for what is for my own good
and that i am a reckless person,
that isn't cautious
only because there's so much
that is worth more
than playing things safe
i am mess, i know i am
i am difficult
and stubborn
i don't take in advice easily
i am hardheaded
and i disappoint
only because i always feel so sure
about myself
and my decisions
and i insist that i am right
because i want to believe i can change
the course of history
i want to believe i can change
how things were planned
sure it seems just okay
to live out things the way you're supposed to
but i just think
i feel
and i know that there's so much more
i don't take the same path as everyone else
because i'm just so stubborn and dumb
and i'm curious
some might say—
alot may say,
that i am wrong
i am hurting myself
i am not capable of taking care of myself
and that may be true
i don't know how to take care of myself
because i am not one to care for myself
i care about others
i'm anything but calm
anything but peace
anything but safety
i am dangerous
and will always have a fire burning inside me
a burning desire
for the 'more' in life
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
— Robert Frost
