im not usually like this—
the feeling of hot tears
soaking up my face
hasn't been felt in a while
until right now
and you don't know it
and i've conviced you that my day was great
but to me when i feel like this
when i feel this way
it seems pathetic to show such emotion
and others would say it's pathetic of me
to try to handle things by myself
or push other people away
or not want others to worry
but that just hurts
even more
because i just don't want
to fucking burden you
because you might have your own problems
and it feels like i tell you
over and over and over again
the same reason i'm like this
and i feel like it gets repetitive
so just
let me tear myself apart
let it be my fault i kept everything in to myself
the reason i let so many people leave was because they couldn't take it anymore
and they told me they wanted to go
what am i supposed to do?
oppose their decision?
no, because they knew what they were doing
because i was too much
i fucked up
i did it
and the last time i fought with someone
for them to stay
they ended up leaving as well
although, i'm not some kind of rest stop
for you to stop by and linger
for a moment or two either
what you must know about me is that i'm a crumbling house,
a dangerous storm,
a ticking bomb,
and whatever else
maybe i do need to be fixed up a bit
but it's a sort of
"at your own risk"
type of thing
