Sometimes my mind drifts back to a collection of thoughts that I've titled "Everything that could've been, and what if I had tried harder." These thoughts range from, grades just a few points away from being perfect, different outcomes and results if I had just done something differently, what things would be like if I didn't mess with the flow of the universe, and so much more. Thoughts like the ones I have now keep me up all night sometimes, other times they don't take up much time at all. I'm working on gaining a better mindset and mentality. I will never have everything 100% together or have everything figured out, but I can change the way I think to make everyday a little bit easier. I think back to when I had the chance to choose differently. But I didn't. And now I stare at my ceiling, wishing I could do it over again, just because I know I could've done it better. I've been happy, really happy. But thoughts are always there. And so are memories, that make me smile and laugh and miss things. I told a good friend of mine that those you meet and love, even if it didn't end well, are stepping stones and you continue to grow in yourself and you will get the chance again to do it better. Maybe differently, but a chance will come again. And until then, it's all just doing what you do. So for now, instead of getting anxious nerves. Waiting. for you to pick up. Stuttering and choking on my words, letting silence calm me down, and admit to you everything I have had inside of me in the hours of now, when I haven't had much time to think clearly, with the possibility of everything changing once again in the morning, my thoughts will be my thoughts. And I'll keep them to myself.
