AMARA'S POV
"Uhm.. Love? Gusto mo ng ice cream?"- I asked Miguel, my boyfriend who was busy answering some papers.
I just want him to cool down, because he's been busy doing paper works from his course.
He is Miguel Troy Guivara, my beloved boyfriend. We're actually in first year of college, magkaiba ang course na kinuha namin. Siya Culinary, at ako naman Business Administration. Kinuha niya 'yong kursong 'yon kasi mahilig talaga siyang mag-bake at magluto ng mga kakaibang dish.
'Aww.. my own chef.'
At, isa iyon sa dahilan kung bakit mas minamahal ko siya.
While me, taking the course of managing a business because sooner or later, my Dad will surely trained me for handling his company. Actually, I wanted to become a nurse, but, I don't have a choice. Nag-iisang anak lang ako sa pamilya namin, ako lang ang aasahan nilang magpapatuloy sa minamahal nilang negosyo.
'Poor me, I couldn't take nursing.'
"You'll buy for me?"- Miguel asked, not looking.
Nasa tambayan kasi kami ngayon, good thing parehas 'yong break time namin. I am already missing him even though our building was not that far.
Naaawa na ako sa kaniya kasi ang dami niyang ginagawa. I could not bother him and complaints about his time for me.
"Yes. Malapit lang naman, eh."- I smiled at him.
"Okay, take care."- he took a glanced at me before going back to his works.
"Wait me here, okay? Huwag kang mamba-babae. Hehe! I love you."- I kidded, or not? I still managed to kiss him on his cheek while he's writing. Hindi naman siya kumontra kaya napangiti ako ng pilit.
I am not dumb to feel there's nothing wrong between us. Because, there is really something wrong! And, every time I am thinking about that, it's making me feel pain in my chest. Gusto kong maging okay kami, gusto kong mali 'yong iniisip ko sa kaniya, kasi ang alam ko masaya kaming dalawa.
'We were happy, but, everything had changed.'
Iniwan ko muna ang bag ko sa tabi niya at saka na ako umalis. Hindi pa man ako nakakalayo ay lumingon akong muli sa kaniya. Just like what I expected, in just a blink of an eye, he's already talking to someone. I just turned my back, and when I looked back at him, he's already typing on his phone.
Probably, he is texting with her.
'It's been one month. One fucking painful month. Alam ko nang meron siyang iba.'
Bago pa man may mamuong luha sa mga mata ko, iniwas ko na kaagad ang paningin ko at nagtuloy-tuloy sa paglalakad para makabili ng snacks namin. I need to divert my attention, before I burst myself here.
Halos magta-tatlong taon na kami ni Miguel, masaya kami? Oo, dati, ewan ko lang ngayon. Ako na lang yata ang masaya? Hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang nagka-gano'n, nagloko. Alam kong nagloloko na siya, eh. Alam kong niloloko na lang niya ako, matagal na.
And, that freakin' hurts. So, so, so painful. I love him so much, I wanted to give myself to him, but, fuck?
Hindi naman kalayuan ang cafeteria ng department namin mula sa pinagta-tambayan namin ni Miguel kaya pagkatapos kong bumili, bumalik na ako agad. My lips parted a little when I saw him, talking with her.. with his other woman.
They are so busy having a conversation and they did not noticed me coming. 'Yong bag ko na katabi ni Miguel kanina, ngayon ay nasa isang upuan na lang, at medyo nahuhulog na nga.
'Wow..'
"Love, here's your ice cream.. Do you want some?"- I offered the girl.
Nagulat silang pareho sa presensya ko nang iabot ko na kay Miguel ang mga pagkain niya. I could hear the sound of Miguel's chair, moving a little away from my best friend.
'Wow. He really put a lot of effort to distance himself from her.'
Sana kung lalayo siya sa kaniya, ginawa na niya dati pa.
"A-Amara.. Bes, nandiyan ka na pala."- this Claire Villanueva forced a smile to me.
I genuinely smiled back to her before picking my bag, which is almost falling.
"S-She just walked passed by. She wanted to join our lunch, Love."- I did not glanced at Miguel who was feeling uncomfortable right now.
Reasons. Reasons. Reasons.
'Fuck you, reasons.'
Maraming dahilan ang mahal ko kapag kasama or gusto niyang makasama si Claire. Basta para kay Claire, may dahilan siya.
Napakagaling, ano?
"Yeah, that's right, Amara.. Balak ko sanang makisabay sa inyo---"- she stopped from talking when I raised a hand.
"I'm sorry, but, we still have a class, Claire. Maybe, next time? Busy lang kaming dalawa."- I flashed an apologetic smile.
Hindi naka-wala sa gilid ng paningin ko kung paano ako tignan ni Miguel. He doesn't seemed like hearing my answer, he looked dismayed.
"Gano'n ba? Ayos lang, bes. Makikisabay na lang siguro ako kila Kuya. Mauna na ako, ah? Bye, Miguel, Amara. See you later."- she stood up to give me a peck on my cheek. Tumango ako sa kaniya, kasunod ng pag-wala ng ngiti ko no'ng makita silang nagka-tinginan.
The fuck. It hurts.
The way they looked at each other, in front of my face. I don't understand, it was like they are talking with their eyes and i couldn't read that!
Pilit kong tinatanggap sa sarili ko na ipapa-ubaya ko na ang mahal ko sa iba kahit na sobrang mahal ko siya at masakit 'yon. Pero bakit hindi ko magawa no'ng malaman kong ang best friend ko pala ang iba na 'yon?
Damn. If he's not happy with me, I can give him what he wants. I can give him space, freedom and anything. Pero, huwag naman 'yong ganito? I know they are in a secret relationship and they're just hiding that from me and to my parents. Pumapasok nga rin sa isip ko na kasabwat nila ang mga kaibigan namin, kaya hindi ko kinakaya.
Bestfriend ko 'yong kahati ko sa mahal ko. Bestfriend ko. Bestfriend ko 'yon for pete's sake!
AND THAT WAS BULLSHIT!
***
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