Heaven

24: I Was Fine

Fix You- Coldplay

"You should leave," I turned back to my brother.

"I think you're right," he started to leave but turned back. "Do our parents know?"

"Yeah." I laughed bitterly. "Why do you think I'm staying here?"

He nodded, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. Stay safe, kid."

And with that, he left. The others were standing around, and immediately embraced me once Jackson was gone.

"I'm so sorry, Teddy," April kissed my cheek.

"I'm okay. Really, I am." I glanced to the stairs. "I should...."

They released me and I went up to our room. The door was only open slightly, and I pushed it open to find him sitting in the middle of our bed, staring at the duvet. I stepped over and lifted his chin in my hand, kissing him. "He's gone, Cass."

"I'm sorry," His voice was quiet and contemplative. "I just...he hurt you, Teddy. I couldn't let him...."

"I understand."

"I'm sorry I get so possessive."

"It's okay," I kissed him again. "I kind of like it."

He laughed against me. "How are you?"

"It's over, isn't it? They know. It's done."

He grinned at me. "That doesn't answer my question."

"I'm good. I'm just happy it's over."

"Then why are you crying?" I wasn't. Was I? I ran a hand over my cheekbone. I was crying. Why? I was fine. Wasn't I? He pulled me into his lap. "Talk to me, baby."

"I want to.... I want to hate them, Caspar. I should hate them. But, I...I miss them. I miss them so much.  Why can't I hate them?"

"They're your family, Teddy."

"You're my family. They're nothing...they ruined me...they shouldn't matter to me."

"Listen to me," he cupped my face in my hands and brought it level with his. "You're allowed to feel what you feel. No emotions are stupid emotions."

I clutched his shirt in my hands. "I just want it to be okay."

"It will be," he wiped the rest of my tears, kissing my forehead. I laughed weakly.

"I swear, I've cried more since I start dating you than I have in my entire life."

"Should I be worried about that?"

I shook my head. "Come on, we have plans."

Dinner was nice and civil. No life-changing revelations. No tears. Just a family having a meal. We didn't end up picking Fauna up until after the movie, so Cassie didn't have to keep his promise and hold my hand under the table. The movie at the drive-in was one of those cliche love stories, but it's what April wanted, so the rest of us braved through. I should probably mention: my boyfriend teared up at the end. Freaking dork. In the cover of the shadows, everyone in the surrounding cars was making out, or more, and I looked at my boyfriend over my shoulder. He was looking at me just like the guy looked at the girl in the movie. His eyes were full of love and contentment. This is what I gladly gave everything up for. It was so worth it. He was so worth it. No matter how much I wished I could have both him and my family, I knew it wasn't possible. I envied him sometimes. He could have his family and his boyfriend.

"Hey," his arms wrapped around my waist from behind as we stood around the house waiting for Chris to come back with Fauna. "What did I tell you about thinking?"

I turned in his arms and kissed him. "I'm okay."

"Are you two even going to be able to keep your hands off of each other while Fauna is here?" Ari scoffed. She had a point. We hadn't really ever had to  restrain ourselves. We all exchanged confused glances when Chris came in, alone.

"They wouldn't let me near her."