Heaven

41: Control

Don't Dream It's Over- Crowded House

He had his arms right around his own body, closing himself off as we stood in the safety of the bedroom. I reached for him, and he pulled back. I naturally stepped closer. I definitely didn't appreciate the way that Grey 'took control' of Cass, yet I knew that having control was necessary, to some degree. I led him over to the bed and sat him down on the edge. I took his face in my hand, guiding his chin so he was looking up at me. It seemed strange to be so much smaller than him and to be the one in control, but I knew that I had to.

"I just don't understand how you can forgive him. After everything that he did." He shrugged, pulling away from me once again. "Baby, look at me." He shook his head. "Look at me." He was crying a little bit when he finally turned back to me. "You are my entire life, baby. And he hurt you. He almost took you from me. From all of us. He could've.... I love you, Cassie. I just...Ive known him my entire life. He was my best friend, other than Jack. And to hear that he did that...did that to you...."

"How do you think I feel?" He laughed bitterly. "I know what he did to me. I was there. But...there's still this part of me, that loved him, and I'm used to forgiving him all the time because I loved him and he had me convinced...that it was all my fault, anyway."

"But it wasn't your fault. It's not. And you don't have to forgive him anymore. You don't have to forgive anyone who doesn't deserve to be forgiven. And that includes me, if I ever do anything to you that I shouldn't be forgiven for. You are your own person, baby. You always have been. You know that, right?"

"Why can't I just be yours?"

"You are mine. And I'm yours. But...we're also individuals. I know it's hard for you to be in charge of your own life. And you won't always have to be in control. I'll be there to help. But you'll have to learn how to fend for yourself."

He nodded and kissed me. "This doesn't mean I'm letting you top." He giggled.

"I wouldn't want it any other way. You know I like making you happy." I winked and his face flushed. "Can we go back downstairs, or do you want to stay up here for a little while longer?"

"Can you just...lay with me for a few minutes?" His expression was so adorable and timid there was no way I'd be able to resist.

"Of course, Love." I climbed in bed beside him. He pulled me down to rest on his chest and kissed the top of my head, and we laid there until his heart rate slowed down beneath my ear.