Heaven

23: Just Go With It

       Holy-Zolita

I paced the living room for hours once I got home. Jackson was coming. He was coming here. I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, it had been a while since I'd seen him and I missed him. On the other hand, I knew his opinions were the same as our parents' and he'd hate me too once he really understood what was going on. I hadn't told Caspar yet. I didn't know how. I knew he'd immediately get possessive and angry at the world.

"Baby, what's going on? You're acting really weird," he walked into the room, a concerned look on his face. I was about to explain when the doorbell rang. He was here. I had to summarize.

"My brother is here. Play nice," I opened the door. I didn't know how much our parents had told him, but apparently very little since he hugged me. Cass was standing across the room, arms folded over his chest. I glared at him until he relaxed a bit.

"Hey, Jack," I prolonged the hug, knowing that that was probably the last one I'd ever get from him.

"What's going on? Mom and Dad told me you moved out. Did something happen?"

At this point, the others had gathered, and were standing alongside my boyfriend. I almost felt guilty even thinking the word boyfriend around my brother. This was going to be horrible.

"I can't do this tonight," I looked to April. "Not on your birthday."

"This is more important than my birthday, babe," she smirked, knowing how much Caspar hated it when she called me that. I looked at Caspar. He was still glaring at my brother, and stepped closer when Jackson put a hand on my shoulder.

"What's going on?" His eyes were full of concern and love and I wanted to scream. I couldn't do this to him. But I had to. He's my brother. I couldn't hide it from him. But I wanted to. I couldn't tell him. He just came to see his little brother and make sure I was okay. I couldn't ruin his life. I felt so guilty. I felt  a tear fall from my eyes. I fell back into my brother's arms. "I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this to you...."

"What is going on, Theo?" He ran a hand over my back.

"I-I'm...I'm g-gay." I backed out of his arms as soon as the words left my lips. I felt his arms shove me back even farther. I knew it. My legs almost gave out until I was enveloped in the familiar scent of my boyfriend.

"I should've known," he kept his eyes locked on the ground. "Why? You know it's wrong."

"It's not," I sobbed. "It's not...."

"Read the Bible, Theo! God, I can't believe you! You're so selfish!"

Was this selfish? It was, wasn't it? If Jack believes that what I'm doing is wrong, maybe.... Oh, shut up, Teddy! Do you hear yourself?! Look at your boyfriend. Look at him and then try to tell yourself that what you feel for him is wrong. I couldn't do it. I loved him. And there was no way that could be wrong.

"I love him, Jackson."

"Oh, shut up! You're 16, no you don't."

"How would you know? You don't know what love feels like. You just dropped the one person that's ever loved you!"

A sharp pain erupted through my face and I stumbled back. Next thing I knew, Cass had Jackson pinned to the wall, and my brother's face was bloody. Everything moved in slow-motion. I ran to them and wrapped my arms around my boyfriend, pulling him back. He was struggling, but not at full capacity, probably afraid that he'd hurt me.

"He's not worth it, baby."

"He hurt you. I have to-."

"Go upstairs." He just looked at me. "Now."

He took a deep breath, kissed me, and then went upstairs.