Life Is Precious, Just Like Him - Phil Lester X Depressed! Reader

Awake

I groaned eyes open an annoying repetitive beeping had woken me. When I opened my eyes I didn't recognize the room I was in. I started panicking causing the beeping to quicken until arms suddenly wrapped around me, "Y/N I'm so glad you're awake!" A voice exclaimed, it took me a few seconds to process who it was. Then I remembered and everything else washed over me like a tsunami of memories of the day before. I then became aware of Phil sobbing, "Ph-Phil?" I asked startled, I've never seen Phil cry before.

"The doctor's pronounced you dead for a while." He squeezed me tighter, his voice cracking. "I... I was so scared I'd lost you!"

I wrapped my arms around Phil too, noticing my wrist was all bandaged up and I had an IV in my opposite arm dripping blood into me. I also had a breathing tube in my nose and a heart monitor clip on my finger.

"Shh, Phil. I'm fine. I'm sorry... I-I didn't mean to hurt or scare you, I was just... The voices--- Ugh. You wouldn't understand!" I got annoyed and cut myself off.

Phil pulled away from me wiping his tears with the sleeve of his jacket that he draped over me when I was waiting for him to first come to the hospital last night. "No. Tell me. I want to listen." He insisted and sat down in a chair by the bed but he scooted it closer.

I sighed, I didn't know how to explain it, "The thoughts in my head, they wouldn't shut up, they kept telling me Dan was going to die and it was all my fault... and so much more. I had to get them to shut up, I was just so overwhelmed by them I had no other choice. B-but the thing was I wasn't trying to kill myself, I just needed to fuel the craving of needing pain. And I ended up going too deep and then next thing I know blood was everywhere and I was passed out..." I explained quietly.

Phil shook his head sadly, "Couldn't you just tell me and we could talk through your... thoughts? Instead of just going off and breaking the promise? Hell, like I said; I'd rather you harm me than yourself!" Phil said.

"You don't get it.... And no I'd never want to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I repeated.

Phil took my hand in his, "Hey... It's fine. Y'know what? Just forget about that, I'm just relieved you're actually still alive."

"Yeah..." I murmur, "But, How'd you find me?"

"Well when you didn't come back after over 10 minutes I started to get concerned and knowing there was no other people in the waiting room. I assumed no one else would be in the girls bathroom so I went in there myself and checked all the stalls for you. That was until I saw blood from under one of the stalls. My heart dropped because I had a gut feeling it was from you and because of a sudden rush of adrenaline I managed to brake the lock on the door. Then I saw you there limp on the bathroom floor. I almost vomited, It was a horrific sight. I quickly rushed out and found the nearest hospital worker and they went back and quickly gathered you up and rushed you into surgery for stitches and everything. I tried to follow you as they rushed you down the halls on a stretcher but one of the nurses grabbed me and held me back because of course I wasn't allowed back there. I just shouted your name sobbing, even though I knew you couldn't hear me because you were far gone." Phil paused tears developing in his eyes again.

"Phil I-"

"First Dan... Then you... I was so scared I was gonna loose one of you, if not possibly both!" He cut me off.

I looked down, "I am selfish aren't I? I didn't think about hurting you, I was just thinking about myself and feeding the cravings and shit."

"You should really think before you do." Phil agreed which surprised me.

"I know... I'm-" I cut myself off, Phil probably didn't want to hear anymore apologies.

"After about an hour or two of waiting anxiously, a doctor finally came out and told me you were on the brink of death from so much blood loss and they were trying their best to save you but there was no guarantee." Phil suddenly continued, "I felt like I'd been shot, I was so scared I didn't want to lose you. I even made a little vlog and spilled out all my current emotions. My fans are worried too. Even though you don't know them Y/N, More people care than you think."

"Can I see the video?" I asked. "Not right now, I wanna tell more. Talking about the it is helping me process it more." Phil replied and I just nodded.

"After a long while, I was finally told I could go back to see you. Apparently you needed a blood transfusion from so much blood loss but they couldn't find any blood that matched your blood type. I told them they could check mine and ironically we have the same blood type. So I gave some of my blood to you. Which it sounds kinda creepy but hey it's keeping you alive." Phil said and I looked up at the IV drip that connected to my arm and Phil rolled up his sleeve to show a bandage on his arm.

"Oh wow... Well thanks." I say not really knowing what else to say.

Phil shrugged, "Anything for you I guess." He smiled slightly and laughed awkwardly. It was the first time I've seen him smile today... or is it tonight?

"Hey what time is it?" I randomly ask, "How long have I been out?" Phil pulled out his phone and checked the time, "4:45 PM. So you've been out for a long while." He stated. "Oh." Is all I managed to say until another question flew into my mind, "So as soon as you were allowed to come in here, did you stay with me the whole time?"

"Yeah." Phil answered, "These chairs are really uncomfy but I managed to fall asleep for a bit resting my head on your bed close to you while holding your hand."

"Aw. That's comforting." I say smiling slightly.

"Have you heard anything about Dan?" I questioned. Phil shook his head, "I haven't bothered to ask, I've been too concerned about you."

"Ah. I hope he's okay."

"To be honest, I'm more worried about you than I am about him." Phil said.

"But I'm actually awake while he probably isn't." I point out.

"Still." Phil shrugs.

It goes silent for a bit because we loose conversation topics. Until the sliding door to my room opened and a nurse came in, "Ah! Miss Y/N you're awake! That's great." She exclaimed and came over to me. "How're you feeling?"

"Eh. Okay I guess?"

The nurse just made a little, "hm." As she checked my vitals and everything. "About how long ago did she wake up?" She asked Phil. "About 25 minutes to a half an hour? I'm not fully sure." He replied. The nurse just nodded as she took the stethoscope from around her neck and listed to my heart rate and then moved it to my back to listen to my breathing.

"You seem to be doing okay. But we're still gonna keep you for a bit more to keep an eye on you." The nurse told me. "Are you aware that you'll need to go to counselling from now on right?"

My heart sank, I hate talking about problems to people I don't really know. "Oh okay." I simply say.

"Yep we already have you signed up, your first appointment will be in two days, on Friday. But you should be out by tomorrow. The counselling won't be here either, I got you set up with a really good counselling office and counselor." She said to me then turned to Phil, "Mr. Lester here knows all the information about where it is and everything. You'll make sure she goes right?" She asked him and he nodded, "Of course."

"Perfect." The nurse smiled and turned to leave, "You're lucky this boyfriend of yours begged us to not send you to a mental ward." She said over her shoulder then left.

A mental ward? Well I mean from what it looked like I tried to kill myself so I guess it makes sense. I looked at Phil, "Thank you." I smiled sincerely, "I wouldn't last in a mental ward away from you."

"Of course." Phil smiled back, "I love you."

"I love you too." I responded.

"Oh. The video." Phil abruptly said pulling up the video he mentioned earlier, on his phone then handing it to me, "I was a mess in it. But here it gives you something to do so you aren't bored out of your mind."

I thanked him yet again and then began watching the video, It hurt me seeing Phil so scared and crying so much, especially knowing I caused him to get that way. I scrolled through the comments while Phil explained what happened to Dan and how I blamed myself for it all and then what happened after... Phil was right, his fans do care about me, which surprised me, but the comment section was full of, "Omg! That's so sad, I'll be praying!" "I hope she'll be okay!" "I'm so sorry Phil. But have hope, I'm sure she'll end up being fine." And more.

Suddenly a doctor came in the room, "Mr. Howell is awake and is requesting to see you guys, specifically you Miss Y/N."