Byrd
I'm still not pregnant. I'm still not pregnant. This has never happened to me before. As I sit crying at the healers again, I wonder what it's wrong with me. I always get pregnant right away, why am I not pregnant? Am I too old? Is something wrong with me? What if I can't have anymore and the twins are my last. I'll never have a baby again.
I sulk as I walk to my chambers with teary eyes. Just one more baby, I pray to the gods. I'm not ready for this to be it, I wanted so many more after Cas and Wynnie, at least three more. What is Raidyn going to think of me now? His wife who can't get pregnant. I feel like a failure.
I let out a sob as soon as I'm on the other side of my chambers door. I'm surprised that Raidyn is in the chambers. I cover my mouth, but it's too late--he already knows I'm upset.
"I'm not pregnant." I cry to him.
"I know it kills you when you're not pregnant, but as I've told you hundreds of times before- it's alright. What is meant to be will be. We already have five beautiful children that I love and cherish very much and if that's all we can have I am just as happy with them and you and my entire life as I would be with another baby in our family."
I sniffle and wipe my nose on my sleeve. "I know and I love all five of them to death but...but," I felt ridiculous for acting this way. We did have five gifts from the gods. "I just wanted another little piece of you and me. Another little baby to hold." That gets me crying again.
"Maybe you should just focus on our babies for right now." Raidyn says gently.
"You don't want to keep trying?" It's hard to hide the disappointment from my voice.
"I will keep trying, but it's hard to see you so crushed every time it doesn't happen for us. Why don't we just take the pressure off of it for now? If it happens, it happens."
"Okay." I nod my head and slump my shoulders. "Maybe I should stop going to the healers every week until I actually have some symptoms...that way I won't be so disappointed." I frown. "Cas and Wynnie are so young, they still need my full attention, you're right."
"All of our kids are young yet, they all need a lot of attention." Raidyn nods. "I think that's a good idea, all of the focus on it won't help us."
"Yeah." I walk into Raidyn's arms holding him close to me when Rhett barges through.
"I need to talk to you." Rhett has a panicked look in his eyes as he stares Raidyn down. "Now."
"What do you want?" Raidyn snaps. "Byrd and I are in the middle of something."
"I don't care. Man, I fucked up. I fucked up big time." Rhett runs his hands through his raven-colored hair.
"Would you leave?"
"She's pregnant." He blurts out.
"Well, you're a big boy- handle it yourself." Raidyn shrugs.
"No, no! I can't handle this! I don't want a baby and I definitely don't want to marry her so I can have loose sex like you do every night." Rhett shouts and I frown looking up at Raidyn hurt.
"You messed up and now you'll deal with it."
"Wait, wait, wait." I intervene. "He's having a baby he doesn't want, and we can't have a baby. Can we meet this girl? Maybe we can adopt!"
"Yes!" Rhett points to me. "Yes, that is a wonderful idea!"
"No. None of that. We have enough kids." Raidyn blurts under the pressure. "Don't get any wild ideas, Rhett, you have to deal with this on your own."
