Chapter 36
Harry
I slam my car door in frustration, much harder than necessary, and storm through the frigid air into the door of my apartment building. I walk by the receptionist who’s working tonight; she greets me, and I give her a dark glare. Her smile disappears and she cowers back down into her seat. She only reminds me even more how angry I am at myself for dragging Bethany into this further.
I take the elevator up, tapping my foot impatiently the entire way.
Bethany could be dead just like my mum and sister because of me. It just makes me so angry at myself. I hate myself again.
I enter my flat, kicking the wall as I shut the door.
“This would be so much easier if I was killed when mum and Gemma were,” I choke out, staring at the wall.
It should have been me instead of them. I don’t deserve to live; maybe I never did.
The room suddenly starts to spin around me as I realize something.
What if I just die now?
Memories flood over me as I stumble to the kitchen, yanking open the fridge and pulling out a bottle of whiskey.
“Harry, I love you. Don’t forget that.”
I open the bottle.
“Don’t let me die, Harry!”
I close my eyes tightly and clench my jaw, trying to block out the memories.
“Come and play in the snow with me!”
I tip the bottle back and desperately gulp down the alcohol. I take a breath, leaning over the counter, then repeat.
Once upon a time. That’s always where the bullshit starts. There’s no such thing as “once upon a time” or “happily ever after.”
No, only pain. No love, just pain and suffering.
At least, that’s the way it’s been all my life. I can never seem to keep people in my life. People that I love.
And that’s why I’m going to do this. I’m ending my shitty life so I won’t endanger anyone else; so they won’t face the same fate my mother and sister shared. I can’t let that happen to Bethany. I won’t let it happen. She’s so innocent and deserves someone better than me. Someone who won’t hurt her, but will keep her safe.
I close my eyes, trying to forget the image of Bethany’s haunting smile in my mind; but that only makes it worse.
I must love her. I’ve never been this attached to anyone since Gemma and Mum died. That’s yet another reason why I should go. Nobody will love me. I’m too much of a mess. Too far gone to be fixed.
Upon opening my eyes, I decide on what I’m going to do.
I feel suffocated being on this earth. I know that if I leave I will feel free and not like I’m being strangled all the time. I want to fly. I don’t want to be choking on car fumes and cigarette smoke anymore. I want to breathe in fresh air and soar with the wind.
That’s why I don’t just pick up a weapon or pills to end it. I need some kind of feeling of freedom before I’m gone.
An idea suddenly pops into my head.
The bridge. The LondonBridge is what suits me.
____
im so sorry for the long wait and the short depressing chapter but i wasnt home and this chapter was supposed to be short
DONT WORRY IT GETS LESS DEPRESSING
(walk away by the script at the side)
YOU ARE READING
Idiosyncrasy (Harry Styles AU)
Fanfiction""How much do you love me?" "I love you so much that I'm willing to give all of myself to you, give my life for you, and spend the rest of my life with you.""
