BELOVED // CALUM HOOD // 5SOS

19

Kira

This was my last day off before I had to go back to work. I've still been exhausted, it's insane. The first night, I didn't sleep until morning. Not because of me keeping us up all night, but because I couldn't get comfortable. I was restless with the thought that I love Calum. I mean, we've been an item for four months, it was bound to happen.

Why didn't I love him sooner? Does he love me, too? I mean, we've been together for a while, he must at least really like me? I know he likes me, and he says he adores me, but I'm actually, head over heels for Calum. I don't think I've really been in love. I've loved and lost, but I haven't felt for anyone the way I feel for Cal. 

It kind of scares me, because this would make things different. I would definitely have to introduce him to my family, and who knows, they could scare him away. Cal was uncharted territory, and it felt very strange. I mean, the other day, I stupidly thought he was cheating on me, and I wanted to cry.

Ugh.

I finish washing my hair, sighing. I just wanted to sleep. I was alone in my apartment, Cal left last night so I could get sleep, translation, so he could get sleep. He had a meeting early this morning. I was so restless it made him restless. I get out of the shower and decide to put on lingerie under my robe. I wanted to feel cute.

I also knew what would lure Cal here, and maybe if we did sexual things, I could feel at ease. It was noon. Picking up my phone, I take a picture in my robe, exposing my lingerie. It was black and almost leather, and it was basically just straps. My nipples weren't even covered, but he couldn't see that. In the picture, you could see my legs, and the beginning of the curve of my breasts, lined by the faux leather. 

Kira: Hi, Cal. I need help. I still haven't really slept. Come help me become tired? 

I waited for him to reply, but I hadn't gotten one for a bit. I felt so stupid, he was probably busy or out with the guys. I sighed, deciding to just lay down. I needed my mind to shut off. I couldn't think that just because he didn't text back, that he didn't love me. I was never the type of person, who got jealous.

And honestly? I had no reason to be insecure. I'm gorgeous, and I know that. I can be sexy, if I wanted to be. I'm funny. And I'm smart. There truly is a lot to love and like about me. I can sing, I'm not a shitty person. I love kids. I can play guitar quite well. 

And yeah, there are some things that can complicate things; my anxiety, and how it pulls me down almost to a mental paralyzation. I make poop jokes. I'm twenty one years old, and I find them funny. While we're on the topic? I pass gas too often, and I don't even get nervous about it. I laugh. My self esteem goes from high to low in just minutes.  I was ridiculous, lately. Why was I in so much distress?

Calum: I'll come later :)

Finally, there was something to pull me out of bed. Ace was here, and he was trying to calm me down, which worked, I just still felt a ridiculous amount of irritation over myself. A knock on the door sounded throughout my apartment, making me get out of bed. Cal said later? Was this him? I guess I was in bed for an hour in the uncomfortable straps. 

Wrapping the robe, tightly around my body, I opened the door. You've got to be kidding me. I sigh, frustrated and try to shut the door, but Colin wasn't having it. "Go away." I say, serious as could be. "I'm so tired of seeing you around, you don't even live in LA. What the fuck do you want?"

"You. I want you."

"Listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth, you need to leave. I don't want anything to do with you, I don't want you here. I'm truly sick of seeing you around. You have to leave."