The Sea, The Stars, and Luna | ✓ The Watty's 2019

chapter 43

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[TRIGGER WARNING]

Luna

"The thing with Luna's disease is since it's so microscopic we cannot identify what it is. Right now the medication we are using is working, but it can't work for long. We have never seen anything like the condition she has," The doctor explained.

The doctor was going over my disease with my parents again. Something they did weekly.

"How much longer?" My mom asked. I hated whenever she asked this. I knew how long I had. Not long.

The doctor hesitated and then looked at her. "I honestly can't know for sure. We don't even know what it is, all we know is that it is terminal. Based on her current state, I will guess around a year, but that's just an estimated guess."

I sat in my bed as I let it all sink in.

They continued to talk and I continued to pretend to listen.

***

"Knock, knock." A quiet voice said as my door creaked open. I saw Sebastian walk in and I smiled at him.

I turned on my small lamp beside me and he came over, sitting on my bed.

"Hey. Why are you here so late?" I asked him. He looked down at what was resting in his hands.

Sebastian sighed and rubbed the old leather with his thumb. He stayed quiet for a few minutes, sitting perplexed as he stared at his tattered book.

"I just... I wanted you to read it. I know that a long time ago I said that someday you could read this. And I think I'm finally in such a stable state of mind, that I'm ready to let you really in," he said.

I nodded.

"But Luna, I just want you to know that what's in here is not who I am anymore. At all. I'm gonna go home, I love you."

He placed the journal in my lap reluctantly and kissed my forehead, his lips leaving tingles on my skin as he walked out.

I held his journal in my hand, the old black leather was covered in stickers and penned in phrases by him. I felt sort of scared to open the cover, but I breathed and opened it.

"today I've felt sad, confused, and angry. I no longer really want to do anything. I want to sleep, and I want to lay in bed. that's all. my friends at school today found out that something was wrong with me and then decided they didn't want to be friends anymore. I didn't need them anyway. I had a friend, my best friend."

"I lost my best friend today. it really hit me like a pile of bricks that I really wasn't worth anything. at all. don't deserve love or happiness or anything like that."

"sometimes the loneliness. it becomes too much. it consumes you to the point. you can't even think anymore. you just sit and stare at walls. your thoughts are scattered on the floor. like dirty clothes. and you have no desire. to clean them up. nothing. no one can help you. or make you feel less lonely. because if you don't feel safe. and okay with yourself. there's nothing anyone else can do. you live with the loneliness until you learn to bear it."

"I bought a bottle of sleeping pills today. the thought has crossed my mind before but I only really wanted to end my life right now. it's been a few months since my best friend has been gone. no one will notice I'm gone. I can't take this pain anymore. I'm tired all the time. I'm sad and I'm anxious and I'm frustrated and I'm irritated and I hate how I feel."

"my father placed me in a mental hospital today. he said that I needed to be here in order to get better. now I count the days until he lets me come home, which will probably be never."

"Today I met this girl named Luna. she has green eyes and a gorgeous smile and her laugh sounds like the most beautiful symphony or the echo from a desert. she said we could be friends. I haven't had a friend in months."

"I'm falling. as your lips dance across mine perfectly. or feeling the sparks as you lay on my chest. skin to skin. or when you pull me close and my body moulds perfectly into yours. I know I do. I'm falling. feeling my heart beat fast as my fingertips graze against your bare skin and trace every edge. getting lost in your eyes. it's happening so fast. and I can't slow it down. I swear I can't help it. I'm falling"

"and maybe that's why I fell in love with your eyes. because I can get so lost in them. and find myself in them all at once"

I wiped a small tear from my cheek and sniffled. I had already read too much for myself to handle, so I skipped to his most recent entry.

"today, I told Luna that I loved her. I didn't think she'd say it back, yet she did. I actually wasn't sad or frustrated today at all. I was happy. I don't think I'll be needing this notebook anymore. Luna has taught me there are more ways, better ways, to deal with this. this is the end of Sebastian's therapy notebook."

I shut the book and hugged the book tightly against my chest and I let my tears fall. Just the way he said he was sad and how he lost his friends, how he didn't deserve love. How did he get through all of this and still manage to be the boy he is today?

If anyone in this entire world deserved love and happiness, it is undoubtedly Sebastian Green.

And until I die, I will make sure that is what he gets.

a/n: guys if I did a Q&A, would you guys ask me questions? Let me know because I sort of wanna do one.

Also, I'd like to say I'm currently working on two projects that I will announce very soon!! What do you think they'll be?

Hope you liked this chapter, what are your thoughts? I love youuuuu xx

-abby