Once Doesn't Mean Always (Straight Furry Story)

45: Goodbyes

Smoke

6th of March, 2018

I stand at a doorway, looking through the small opening to see my sleeping young pups, a dim ray of light shining through the gap of the door, barely touching them. Your both beautiful, I'm so happy that I have you 2 but I'm sorry that it has to be this way I think before gently closing the door. I place my forehead on the door and close my eyes

"so, your mind's made up then?" a soft, sad, American voice asks me, I sigh before turning to hug Cloudy

"I'm so sorry, but I need to do this" I say as I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead, letting a few tears go in the process.

I feel myself get squeezed by massive hug, but for once, I don't really mind.

"Please" Cloudy gently cries a little "please just stay safe, don't you dare leave us alone, our kids need a father and I ... I need my wolfy" she says as she continues to hold me tight. I gently stroke her head as rests it on my chest

"I promise, even if the basterds put a bullet through my brain, I won't die until I'm back here with you 3 again and until I'm old and grey, well, greyer" I lightly joke before gently pushing Cloudy away "I'm going to write to you every chance I get, I promise" I add before receiving a kiss and holding it.

I break the kiss a minute later before going to grab a large bag from my bedroom and make my way towards the front door, with Cloudy following.

"Its time for me to go" I say as I open the door and give Cloudy one last kiss

"I love you" I tell the fox

"I love you to, be safe" she says before I navigate my way through the early morning darkness to a barely visible car parked in front of the house.

I open a back door and throw my bag onto the back seat before I move over and sit in the front seat, right next to Rikoshay, my designated driver for the day. I give a wave to Cloudy before turning to Rikoshay

"you sure you're ready? you know, to do this, I mean" he asks I gave a nod before replying

"I've been preparing for this for a while, I HAVE to do this, think we can stop at 17 Narlin drive first? I have someone I need to see first". Rikoshay nods before starting our drive

"thanks by the way ... for this, I mean" I say as we begin moving

"it's no problem, I'm happy to help, besides, I have to go the airport anyway, gotta meet Megan and Jack, get our holiday started" he says before taking a moment long break "get some rest, I'll let you know when we get there", I do as he says and close my eyes and slowly drift away.

An hour passes and the car comes to a halt, waking me up and making me realise where we are.

"I won't be long" I say as I get out the car and nervously make my way over to the front door of a small, government owned house. After I reach the door, I give a few knocks on the wooden surface and wait a few minutes before getting an answer from a white she-wolf, sending my nerves to sky rocket

"hey ... umm ... it-it's good to see you" I stutter as memories of the past flood my mind.

"Smoke?" Zoey says, surprised to see me

"yeah ... I know how you're feeling ... I-I just want to apologise for how I treated you last time we saw each other, I uh, I'm going to join the army, I just wanted to come and see you ... to tell you that I'm sorry ... and ... I forgive you" I explain, causing my mother to get teary before she lashes out and hugs me

"thank you ... I- I just- ... thank you" she softly cries as she holds me, I hesitantly hold my arms around her before going for a hug. After a minute of us hugging each other, I gently push away the emotional wolf before reaching into a pocket in my jacket, pulling out a photo of me and my family

"here, I think you should have this, their address is written on the back, same with Cloudy's number, if you want to get in touch with your extended family, I think they'll like that" I say as I hand my mum the photo, she takes it and holds it in her chest

"I will, I'll talk to Cloudy and arrange something first, of course, and I ... I won't tell them anything ... you know ... about back then" she says, I nod before talking with her for a few more seconds and saying my goodbyes.

I get back into the car and shoot a wave to my mother before turning once again to Rikoshay

"there's just 1 more place, if you don't mind" I say, the fox nods before preparing to take off again

"where to?" he asks, waiting for our next location.

I think for a moment, thinking back to the past but then flicking back to my meeting with Albert

"Belton Cemetery, it's on the way to Perth" I explain as my throat tightens at the mention of the name

"used to live there?" the red fox asks, curious on why I wish to stop 3 suburbs over as he begins to drive

I turn my attention to the side window, watching the scenery go by before simply replying

"used to".

We drive on for an hour and a half or so before stopping at a parking area outside a large, brick wall surrounded area, Belton Cemetery.

I tell Rikoshay to give me a but more time before entering the cemetery through an old gate before spending 2 minutes on searching each and every marked grave and plaque before finding the gravestone I've been looking for, one marked 'Marcus Greypaw'.

"Hey dad" I begin talking to the gravestone "I-uh ... I just wanted to quickly stop by before I ... before I leave for the army" I say before thinking back to my childhood. I let out a few tears as I think about all the wrongs my father had done to me 

"I think back to when I was still with you and mum and it still burns me up on the inside, I still feel all that anger and fear, but then I think about all the things Albert said and ... I think that what you did ... it really helped me in the end, moulded me into the person I am today" I say as my negative memories clear from my mind and I think about all I have today "I have my own family now, I'm treating them right, raising my kids the way you would have raised me if things went right ... I just thought you would like to know ... anyway, I should probably get going, I'll be sure to visit you again when I get back, start visiting every now and then".

I say my goodbyes and make my way back to Rikoshay's car, taking my seat again while Rikoshay looks at me with concern

"you ok, Smoke?" he asks. I nod a little before recieving another question "so, where to now?"

he asks. I look out the window before answering

"the closest hotel to the recruitment centre".