I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

13

---Patrick---

The voices. The scurrying. The shuffling. The stares.

My feet carry me through the crowded halls, the voices of teenagers echoing off of the white walls and the shuffling of feet emitting from the floors as I make my way through the crowd, trying my best not to shove everyone out of the way. I feel like screaming because people won't hurry up but I don't show my frustration. I only bottle it up and hide it. Nobody needs to know I have emotions. It's not like they pay attention to them anyway. I finally squeeze through the traffic and speed walk over to my locker, my feet moving as fast as I can make them without running because I know I'll only get detention if I run. I don't want to miss The Black Parade.

I see Spencer, Jon, and Bob out of the corner of my eye and quickly hunch down, afraid they'll see me. Thankfully, they haven't been bothering me much these past few weeks. I don't know if it's because Gerard hangs out with me all the time now or what but I still like to be careful. This time is no different.

I'm so lost in thought that I completely pass by my locker and I have to turn around. Everyone's staring at me. Everyone's watching me. Laughing at me inside. They think I'm an idiot. I am an idiot.

I turn the lock on my locker, but as I try to unlock it, my hands get more and shakier. So much that I can barely get a grip on the lock. I slam my hands against the locker, desperate to calm down and get out of there but I can barely focus. My mind is mush because I'm scared and I can't get oxygen to my lungs. It's escaping me, and I can't breathe, making me panic more.

Haha! Gerard's going to leave you, you're so pathetic, just wait until he sees you panicking over nothing at all.

Everyone's watching, but they're doing nothing as I'm lost in my doubt, I can't seem to... Focus... They're going to laugh at me. Pin me down and hurt me until I bleed out and the walls are all stained red.

You're going to mess up, you pathetic, fat pig. You're going to go home early and get beaten by Dad because he doesn't want to see you. He wants someone who isn't a failure like you! He wants a son who didn't cause The Incident! It's all your fault. You can't blame this on God. It's all you, you sick whore!

"Patrick!" I don't know whose voice that is, but it's familiar.

Stupid prick! It's surprising they haven't killed a pathetic cutter like you yet. They'll get to you soon enough.

"Hey! Patrick! Take a deep breath, name five things you can see," Gerard says. When did he get here? W-what?

"Do it, now." He demands a little more roughly. I'm a little hesitant to comply, staring at him instead with a helpless, blank look on my face but soon enough, I realize I have to.

Inhale

"L-lockers, you, teenagers, Bob, Spencer, Jon, hands, feet-"

Exhale

"Good, deep breath again. Four things you can feel."

Inhale

"Locker, cold, floor, clothes."

Exhale

"Inhale, three things you can hear."

"You, the teens, me."

Exhale.

"Two things you can smell."

"Coffee a-and perfume."

"And one thing that makes you happy."

I open my eyes, and exhale softly. One thing that makes me happy?