I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

43

---Patrick---

Everything is difference when I open the door for Joe, sweat making my hoodie stick to my skin but, high or not, I'm too self-conscious to take it off. I don't want anyone but Gerard to see my scars at this point. He's the only person I trust. The only person I'll probably ever trust.

I've also started to notice that it is gone. It hasn't said a thing... Is it gone?

Goddamn, that would be a blessing.

Joe leads me to the bar where we both take a couple seats, I get a shot of gin, Joe just gets a beer.

"So where are they?" I ask, continuing to look around the room.

"They'll be here soon, they have to be really careful about coming out here because they nearly got caught once. It was terrifying, put a lot of stress on Brendon..." Joe says, placing his elbows back on the counter with a relaxed post-sex expression across his face. His whole posture screams, "I just had sex, and I feel high right now," It's actually quite comical, "Pete should also be here soon, I told him you were coming when Bren went to go pick you up."

"O-Oh," I reply, biting my lip. Is he going to bring the notebook? I saw some of the lyrics earlier this week but it was just to one song, his whole notebook is full of songs, and I want to see. I want him to show me what he's been hiding all these years. I want him to trust me with everything he's got. I remember how the song went, how could I forget?

She says she's no good with words, but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out a joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too overdramatic
Tonight it's "It can't get much worse."
Vs. "No one should ever feel like..."

I'm two-quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Dance, dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, dance
And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Pete said he based it off of me and how awkward I used to be, he said he liked it about me. It was cute. That was the part where I started crying because he based it off of me. He wrote a song for me, and it meant a lot. I told him so.

"Earth to Patrick..." Joe says waving his hand in my face.

I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, "Sorry,"

He smirks, "You wanna fix that problem?"

I frown confused but as soon as I look down, my frown softened, and my face goes a bright pink. Holy shit does this drug work, "No, I'm fine... Uh... If I need to, I can just do it myself..." I mumble out, lowering my head in shame.

"You're fucking adorable," Joe says with a chuckle.

"Shut your face," I growl.

He drains down the last of his beer and looks to the door, watching for one of our friends to show up, but he looks away after a bit and scrunches his nose, "This is gonna sound cheesy as hell but... How do you know you're in love? I mean... I've been in plenty of relationships but they always went bad, and one of us always left... And I mean... I dunno... It's stupid..."

I smile softly and rest my head on the counter, shutting my eyes, "It's... I'm not sure how to explain it," I open my eyes, gazing at his shot-glass, "It's like... You realize you would do anything for them. You love their personality, you love the way they look, you love their flaws, you love the way they talk and the way they dress, and you would do anything for them. And it's more than just the sex. You would live a life without any of that for them if they asked. Ultimately, you would die for them..."