I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

24

---Gerard---

Tuesday. Three days until homecoming. Patrick was at school, thankfully, and we talked at lunch but I could tell he had yet to be invited to sit with his ex-friends so I sat with him, instead, he seemed relieved. I told him about what we're going to do after homecoming and he looked nervous but hid it with excitement. Did I do the wrong thing? I hope not, I want to help him. I want to make him feel better and this is part of my promise.

It was Wednesday. Two days until homecoming. Brendon and Pete got into a fight. Verbally. But it still scared the hell out of Patrick, he was shaking and trembling, so I held him close while they yelled at each other. It was about Patrick. Brendon didn't want to forgive him but Pete did. Patrick just wanted them to stop and it took all my will not to slap Brendon across the face. Can't he see how hurt Patrick is?

It was Thursday. One day until homecoming. Joe, Frank, and Pete sat with us and we talked. Patrick was partly excluded even though we tried to include him several times. It was awkward and he's shy but he was happy, too, so I guess I did take a step in the right direction. Brendon and Ryan met up with us after lunch and apologized, much to my relief, Patrick forgave them and they hugged.

Homecoming.

It's homecoming.

Patrick said yes on Monday when we were on the bridge. When we admitted our love for each other. So it's official. He said he'd meet me at my house before it started because he obviously doesn't want me going to his house. It worries me, though. He really shouldn't try to hide it. I know what happens there and I know how much of a fake Kevin and his Dad are but I'll respect his decision if that's what he wants. I just want to get him out of there but he won't let me. It's frustrating.

Anyways, homecoming starts at five and lasts until about eight. It's just a dance so hopefully it won't be too bad for Patrick. I'll hold him close and comfort him if he needs it. If my own anxiety doesn't get to me first... Thankfully, Ryan, Brendon, Patrick, and I are probably going to leave early and go straight to Joe's. It's just a dance after all and I'm excited to drink a little. Only a little, though, I still want to be there for Patrick and I know he doesn't have a good experience with drunk people.

It's 4:24 right now and Patrick said he'd be here at 4:30, so I have a few minutes to destress. Or try to at least.

I'm nervous. It's all I can focus on right now. I'm really nervous. What if I embarrass him? What if something triggers his PTSD? What if he has a panic attack? I'm afraid someone's going to trigger something in him and I don't want that to happen. What if-

It's going to be okay Gerard. As long as you're here for him, he's going to be okay. You're fine.

It's going to be okay. The only way for him to be okay is if I calm down myself.

I gaze in the mirror for what has to be the tenth time. It's a casual event which means a black jacket and skinny jeans for me. I don't wear tuxedos. I hate tuxedos. They're too uncomfortable and not my style. So here I am, about to go to a dance in a pair of dark black skinny jeans, holes in the knees, a black jacket, messy, black hair, and vans with a guy I just started dating on Monday, and a couple other gay dudes. Not how I was planning to spend this year but I like it. It's nice.

I rinse my face with water trying to clear my thoughts.

Mama is excited to meet him, too. Really excited, I honestly haven't seen her this happy since Dad passed and it warms my heart. She's making progress, hopefully she'll be able to accept it and continue with life, cigarette-less. Maybe she'll never pick one up again. I hope so... The smoking really affects her. It makes me worry a lot.